Keeping Mum…

Weight: 58.1kg – I give up. Maybe I’m being too obsessive about my weight
Feeling: Like I’ll never have enough sleep.

week 4-maybe2

Week 4? : Still haven’t gone to the gynae, so not sure how far along I am.
I don’t think I’m growing at all since ,y weight has been pretty stagnant.


It’s been quite hard to keep things a secret.

I’ve been trying not to let in too much about the current state of affairs but I realise that what with my changing perceptions and lifestyle choices, there are subtle hints that still shine through.

For one, I’m pretty active on Facebook and in my narcissism, I enjoy telling people little anecdotes about my daily life – yes, very much like this blog.

Well we went for a dinner last night with relatives that were visiting in town and one of them slyly commented that my posts of Facebook had a fair bit more meaning than its face value indicated.

IMG_7734

What’s so indicative about that!

This particular relative is a doctor-in-training and I don’t know WHAT it is, but she deduced from this post that I’m pregnant? How’s that even possible… Most people would have brushed it off as some random status update but noOOoOoOo.. somehow she managed to figure it out.

Obviously John and I didn’t give anything away. We chose to reply vaguely and let them come to their own conclusions. It’s just a matter of time before we got our ultrasounds and HAD to make the announcement anyway.

To tell the truth, we were feeling a little irritated. We wanted to keep the whole “We’re Pregnant” thing a secret until the ultrasounds. And I’m sure we were trying hard not to let the cat out of the bag. Having someone come to us, even in elation and happiness was a bit unnerving to say the least. It’s like when someone guesses that you’ve planned a surprise party in their honour, and the weeks and months before preparing the event and keeping it a secret has all been for nothing.

Okay, I’m exaggerating as usual.

Honestly we couldn’t fault her either. She’d just had a baby boy a little over a year ago. I bet she’s eager to have play dates with cousins and other close relatives 🙂 It’s a big transition from just being married to being a parent. And along come with it a different social life and social circle.

I grew up with lots of friends and family my age. Cousins just a few years over or a few years under, friends from church and playgroup were always inviting us over or coming over to each others’ residences… I would be delighted to have kiddy play parties with people whom we’ve had the pleasure of being acquainted with more decades over.

old friends

old friends 🙂

But maybe not just yet.

The excitement still hasn’t built up enough.

I also told my boss that I was pregnant on Friday. I had to. I wanted to have the decency and give her a heads-up that my life was going to change and it would affect my job, I may want to quit…. etc etc etc.

A week earlier, before we did the test, I had actually asked her out to lunch and told her what was weighing on my mind about business and work and not wanting to hunt and put on a fake smile anymore. She told me to trust in the Lord for all my worries and He would direct my path. If I was worried about something, to just ask him to speak loudly and directly and also to send signals which I can clearly interpret.

I didn’t think twice about how she would feel when I sprung the very ominous “I have something I HAVE to talk to you about” and I thought even less of how I was going to explain that I didn’t know how things would be affected yet. However, somehow she shared with me that she somehow knew that I had either found a new full time job, or I was pregnant. God was telling her not to jump to conclusions.

I can only imagine what it may be like to imagine that one was going to lose an *ahem* wonderful, hardworking and dedicated employee like myself *ahem*, but to her credit, she didn’t bombard me with questions, and instead let me work the courage up to tell her what was on my mind, on my own.

And I really appreciate that.

More than anything, I appreciate not being questioned about my indecision and muddle-headedness.

I did, however, take offense that she asked me to make sure I stopped smoking and drinking and the like and just assumed I was still living a party girl life. LIKE HELLO. I just told you that I know that I am pregnant. Like I am SUCH an irresponsible human being that I would harm an innocent party.

bitch please

But anyway, moving on…..

It’s something similar to what happened with telling the parents about the pregnancy. Our attitudes towards other people change so quickly; in a blink of an eye. It matters so much what happens at that exact moment to change your perspective of how you want to go about doing things.

The hubs and I met people today and being good friends, we were sorely tempted to tell them that we were pregnant now. Besides being able to share the joy with others and have more people to discuss our thoughts and feelings with, it’s comparatively MUCH easier to just tell people “Oh I’m Pregnant, so I don’t think I’ll have that beer thanks.” rather than trying to find excuses to explain away why we have changed the way we do things!

I am getting more excited (as you can probably tell) about the idea of sharing the new with more people, but again, just playing it safe. I have to protect my glass heart from getting too excited, just in case.. I really don’t think it can take a heart-break right now.

In other news, my glass heart has been magnified while being pregnant and I am actually a basketcase with my emotions. I seem to break into tears at the thought of tears. I don’t know how I’m going to do it with the waterworks being perpetually on High Alert, but we’ll just have to see how we can go about keeping the news to ourselves for just that little bit longer.

We’ve been calling up some gynaes and booking appointment dates. The appointments seem to be far away from now, but I’ll update about those in the next post. It looks like we’re set for the end of June. Machiam (as if) Singaporeans are really having the many kids that it’s THIS difficult to set an appointment with an OB/Gyn!

At the very least, we’ll be one step closer to being able to be openly excited about the pregnancy and in the safe zone. More importantly, we won’t have to be burdened with not being able to share about our unborn for much longer.

Counting Down,
Jess

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s