Glad for the help

Weight: 58.9kg – after lunch weight so not sure how this pans out :/
Feeling: like everything has hit me all at once.


week9

Week 9 : Gimme the baby bump already! Starting to feel bloated, but not showing as much as I’d like. I want to exploit bus and MRT seats while i can!


So this week we’ve started telling a few more people. Just people that we thought would truly be happy for us and might be able to give a good amount of advice and care and concern without being over bearing. I’m still a little overwhelmed at how much more everyone seems excited about my pregnancy than I am :/

happy

I’m happy that they’re happy and all, but i’m more like “please tone down”, I have a gazillion things on my mind like the money and finances and the responsibility and the planning and ergh.. really not feeling all that excited about everything just yet.

But come to think of it, when I wasn’t pregnant I pretty much acted the same when I found out that one of my friends was preggers too. Not entirely ecstatic, but not a total wet blanket either. I don’t know if it’s because I’m just too logical about things or whether I’m just not that keen on having a kid.

I said this in one of my very first posts that I’ve always wanted to have kids, but the thought of actually having one freaks the living shit out of me.

dumb

I am pretty sure that that’s how I”m going to feel when I really start going for the hypnobirthing classes and everything, which by the way start on the 5th of July after we get back from Bali.

Yes, I’m going for a babymoon woot! Last ever holiday that I’m ever going to be allowed to have until the bay comes out and we have some sort of semblance of normalcy again.

I’ve actually been talking to the few people that I know who have been travelling with baby when baby is a few months old and generally it’s not advisable? but it looks like it may be a fair bit easier when all baby needs to do is eat, poop and sleep, rather than trying to bring a screaming toddler out.

Hubs and I have also contemplated the idea of just chucking *ahem* leaving our precious baby boy/girl with the grandparents while we go off gallivanting, but on second thoughts if baby is going to be breastfeeding and all, then again it’s not advisable.

We did however foresee that it might be super difficult to be apart from baby seeing as how many of our friends have massive withdrawal symptoms when their maternity/paternity leave is at and end. And I really don’t know whether I’ll be able to deal with the separation very well. I’m more likely to suffer from that sort of related anxiety than the baby, but we’ll really just have to play by ear.

Well in any case, we’ve also been spending a lot of time also thinking a lot about the confinement options in Singapore. I was going to do a full length article about it so that I could link it back to The Price of it All. But on second thoughts, I may just skip through all the prices and companies and other brouhaha and just give you the quick low down on the options,


In order of the amount of babying you’ll receive:

1) Getting a Confinement Lady (full time, over-nighter)

PROS:

  • Round the clock help, they’re gonna be staying with you to help you look after baby even in the wee hours of the morning.
  • Cooking service – they cook confinement food for you and because they work for you, you can kinda tell them to tweak things here and there
  • Personalised assistance – they will help you do laundry and some basic household chores
  • experienced nannies should know how to handle babies pretty well so they can also teach you some tips and tricks

CONS:

  • stranger in your house – make sure the aunty you get comes highly recommended or at least go check our reviews of them online wherever possible. IF you’ve hired her with an agency, make sure the agency affords you replacements. Check out some good and bad reviews of confinement nannies here. Don’t say I never warn you..
  • Some aunties can be REALLY strict about what you can and can’t do
  • most costly of the options – ranges above $2000 and more expensive over Chinese new year period AND still have to pay for groceries and supplies

2) Getting your mum or mum-in-law to help out

PROS:

  • HOME COOKED FOOD YUM – mummy’s food is always best, however only works if you mum can actually cook
  • You can kinda get your parents to help around the house – laundry and some basic household chores, this works best if you are still living with them and is definitely the most economical option if you haven’t moved out yet. At our age, you may have a mum who’s retired or has been a housewife for a while, and is just waiting for the pitter-patter of tiny feet to make them feel all wanted again, so why not fulfill their fantasy 🙂
  • your mum brought you up, so she probably will do a good job of her grandkids right?
  • cheap option, most grandparents will be happy to sit their grandchildren and offer some help to their kids at this juncture in their lives so you should be able to get pretty good care with this option that’s also super  wallet-friendly
  • You don’t have to worry about a stranger mistreating your newborn. What grandparent is going to harm their grandkid?!

CONS:

  • your mum / MIL is in your house. almost on 24/7 basis. Need I say more? We kinda moved out to be on our own to have some sort of semblance of independence, so even though you’re married and are having a kid, somehow you’re still your parents’ kids. Be prepared to be treated that way again when they come back into your household.
    NOTE: Being babied is not the same as being nagged. Fine line here…
  • Mummies and especially MILs can ALSO be really strict about what you can and can’t do, if you’re worried about being nagged, be prepared about what they might have to say about how you take care of your children…

3) Getting Tingkat services and winging it

PROS:

  • Can actually be coupled with the other above services so that you get the best of everything
  • If not coupling, it’s a good balance between both the involved and not involved. you get the meal bits taken care of which is probably the bulk of work since you can’t leave the house. Housework and other things can be settled easily by husband – hey, women should be pampered by not having to do housework at least this once in their lifetimes right?
  • You can focus on the care of baby on your own without worrying about some stranger doing something that you wouldn’t do. Good way to get experience on handling baby on your own too.

CONS:

  • Doing whatever you like, whenever you like, nobody can tell you no
  • Tingkat services are pretty expensive too.
  • Apparently the delivery services can be very unpredictable and you’ve got to stick with whatever is on their preset menu.
  • Less help obviously. Please try to take things slowly when it comes to everything else baby-related. Confinement is still meant to be a period of time for the mum to rest and recuperate, so even though there’s not anyone else to rely on, you shouldn’t over do things.

4) Go it alone!!!

I personally would not recommend this. Anyone who has deserves a frigging medal. Maybe if you’re an experienced mum and you’re looking at #2 and have a vague idea of what to do? But general consensus online is that you need at the very least SOMEBODY to be with you if it’s your first time handling a baby at home.

PROS:

  • doing whatever you like, whenever you like, nobody can tell you no
  • this is the control freak option, if you want to know everything that goes on with baby, from the smallest fart to the first lop-sided smile. There’s only you to take care of baby, you definitely won’t miss it. Bonding with baby obviously won’t be an issue with this option

CONS:

  • although no cost. also means no rest and more work. Again, if this is the first time you’re having a baby, you might want to cut your losses and take the easy route out this time around and build up your strength after the delivery
  • having to take care of everything may make you very bitter and jaded about babycare. BE careful this doesn’t turn into resentment. Especially if there is absolutely no one helping you to take care of things. Not that daddy won’t help, but maybe he’s at work? You’re going to need some other pair of hands to help take the edge off once in a while right?

Bonus – get a maid or full time helper

Actually getting a full time helper at home basically takes care of all of the above without you having to worry about burdening your relatives and parents and worrying about what’s going to happen after the confinement period is done. If you have one of these, please consider yourself so lucky that you don’t have to worry about all these other options. However, this is a bit more tricky because even though you’ve got all the pros of the above options, you ALSO have all the above cons.

You’ll obviously need to do proper interviews and make sure that you’ve got somebody that you can trust in your house and as well as spending a fair bit more time on training and teaching your maid to do things the way that you want her to. Also, because it’s a long-term arrangement, it’s not just a one-off payment that you have time to recoup from after everything is said and done, Please make sure your finances are steady before trying this option out.


So we’ve actually chosen to go down option #2. We’ve figured that with all the things going on and the worrying about finances and everything, we’d love to have my mum come round to help. We actually already borrow my mum-in-law’s helper (Erma) once a week to do house-cleaning so there really isn’t much more to worry about.

I’m just glad that my mum has been so willing to put down her job for this and come over to help us out. Something she said was “how can I not be around for my first grandchild right?” – nearly made me burst into tears I tell you..

Now it’s just a matter of how to clear out a room for baby things and a bed for mum when she comes over.. that in itself is another headache….

WELL, we’ve got more than half a year to go anyway, so i shouldn’t be working myself up into a frenzy. YET.

crazy

Speaking of working myself into a frenzy,  I know I’ve been saying that I’ve been an emotional basketcase (that’s my new favourite word!) lately. Like I can cry at the drop of a hat and although I know that the hormones are making the emotions go crazy, I never thought I’d be THIS mentally unhinged.

I can generally hold my emotions pretty well, but I tend to snap a little bit more than I’d like. It’s definitely akin to having PMS but possibly a lot more swing than anything. Like I literally had a cry because I had to do some work on the computer when I got home the other day because I wouldn’t get to spend time with my hubs after he got home from work. I barely get time to see him when he gets back as it is so I just felt so BAD that I didn’t have time for him.

I also had a good cry when I looked at all the food he sometimes buys/cooks/prepares for me and my nose or tummy acts up and I can’t down a bite. I still don’t puke food, but I swear it is DEVASTATING that food has lost all its appeal for me.

I just feel so bad that he’s put in all this effort and sometimes it’s because I specifically asked for that particular food thing and I just feel so SORRY for myself that I can’t eat food I know is normally super yummy 😦

That for me has seriously got to be the WORST part of the first trimester. Like seriously seeing all this lovely and wonderful things, actually having cravings for certain foods, but the minute i can smell it or it’s in front of my face….

can't eat this

Well, we’ll really just have to see that all of this slowly goes away as I near the second trimester. All I can hope for right now is that it DOESN’T follow me to Bali, or that at least I’ll feel a tad bit better to eat by then. I am totally looking forward to eating italian when I get there and I hope the unborn doesn’t entirely ruin it for me 😛

However, despite my inability to eat most foods, my prenatal pills from iherb have arrived!

Rainbow List Just Once Prenatal One

They had pretty good reviews and it looks like they were pretty much equivalent to all the other pills selling at Guardian anyway, and they definitely won’t be jacked up like the nonsense you’ll get from doctor’s offices so I just went ahead to get them. Best thing about these is that you only need to take one pill once a day. So since it’s a 150 pill bottle, that should last me a good 5 months. When that runs out, I”ll just order another fresh bottle that will last me into breastfeeding days. Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy.

I’m such a wonderful mother aren’t I. Even though it’s ENTIRELY the baby’s fault that I can’t eat anything yummy, I’m still downing tasteless pills so that he/she can grow properly and have all ten fingers and toes intact 😛

I was actually advised to pick up certain vitamins as separates because stuff like folic acid, fish oil and calcium are needed a bit more heavily for growing baby body parts but remembered this story of the hubs having to do a body cleanse a few years ago with a doctor who i SWEAR is a quack.

quack-doctor

The hubs had to take a dose of fleet, which is basically system cleansers aka laxatives. After which he was prescribed like 6 HUMUNGOUS jars of vits. C, E, Bs, Omega 3,6,9… you name it. it was MAD.

I am NOT going to turn into a pill popper because pill-popping REALLY sucks. And it’s bad enough that I’ve got nausea as it is, so the less of these I have to worry about the better. , so multivits it is.

At the same time, the one i bought above actually doesn’t have the omegas, so I’ll just pick up a bottle of fish oil sometime in the next week from wherever is convenient instead of having to worry about 4 or 5 different tabs that I have to swallow every other meal.

Well, I foresee that next week might be a little better because the morning thing didn’t really work out for me, so I’ll have a little bit more time to focus on my health and resting my body to accommodate the demands of the unborn. I’ve really felt like I need some extra sleep this week just to feel like i’m up to speed with the metabolism or lack of metabolism that’s been going on. So just as I finish my final paragraph, I might just hop off for a nap.

Really looking forward to sleepless nights with the baby once born,
Jess

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