I’m actually going for a baby moon to Bali on Monday, but this weekend will be horribly chock a block for the hubs and me, so I thought I’d better get a little bit of writing squeezed in, if not who knows when you all will hear from me again. I don’t want ambulances and sirens going off for any reason thanks 😛
(ya, I figure that no one will actually bother to call the ambulance and sirens for me. But I can always wish I were that important…)
right, but I’m not showing yet, which is a good thing. I hopefully will still be able to rock a bikini when I get to Bali haha!
But even without the baby bump, i can’t help but thinking that my maternal instincts are growing.
Not in the way that you would think though – the last I posted anything about “maternal instincts” it was about my hand going protectively over the non-existent tummy and trying to shield said baby from harm.
But this post is more like a sudden realisation that when I’m walking in the MRT at peak hour and there are all these MAD people that are rushing for the gate and rushing for a seat, and basically rushing like they have no eyes to see. And I am scared out of wits of being knocked off my feet.
Now no normal Singaporean working adult who’s ever had to brave peak hour should rightly be scared of peak hour traffic in the MRT. You just brave it and literally shoulder on to get to where you need going on time. But this is truly different now that I’m pregnant.
I know I walk just as fast as the next person, but some people are clearly on a vendetta to like knock you off your feet because they must have had a shit-hole of a day or something like that. I swear there were more than half the people in transit at that time with a scowl on their face. And I very narrowly missed those crazy grumpy people’s elbows and bags into my abdomen by inches , not to mention being able to siam (avoid) another lot of crazy grumpy people walking like zombies while being way too engrossed in their phones.
It’s no wonder that parents dread having to forge through peak hour with a pram/stroller or baby/kids in tow. *shudder*
Well, at this point I was seriously getting grumpy just looking at grumpy people so much so I started having this absolutely horrible and weird thought. Like – I DARE YOU to bump into me. and if something happens to me and i fall down and i lose my baby or something, let’s just see how you’ll live with yourself after that.
Well first things first, now that i’m writing this article about it – CHOOOYYY!! (knock on wood/touch wood/ward off evil/don’t say inauspicious or unlucky things) and secondly – Am i mad or AM I MAD?
Sigh, I dunno. I think of all these weird scenarios from time to time. Like replay the whole scene in my mind over and over again so that I can do things differently and guess if the outcome will change if I did things a different way.
It’s not just about whether I’ll get bumped on the train, but also whether I’ll have cramps or what if something is wrong with the baby at the next scan… A few weeks ago I was asking the hubs, what if the OSCAR turns out positive and our baby is like positive for downs, or like he /she hasn’t formed properly in my womb and all that…
It’s literally a nightmare thinking of all the possibilities that could possibly happen and worrying myself sick over everything.
Then I recall in an earlier post (I forget which one) that I read a friends’ blog about trusting in God and His plan for the hubs and I – that there ‘s a reason why He let us conceive and because of that, we should be less worried about what’s to come, and trust that He will let things happen as they need to happen.
Now I look back on what I’m typing and I’m all – what the hell was I thinking! And at least I’ve gotten to this point where I realise that I’m being ridiculous for thinking of all these horrible possibilities.. It’s definitely not quite maternal, but at least it shows that i’m thinking protectively about my baby? Or am I talking nonsense again.
So today’s post has evolved to becoming a reminder to myself about taking a step back and a deep breath and keeping calm before I hyperventilate and freak myself out into an anxiety attack. There’s plenty of chances for that when my unborn is 2 years old and trying t o shove the pencil into an electricity socket or put a toy soldier into his/her ear and/or touch doggy’s accidental doodoo….
OMG STOP ALREADY JESSICA.
ANYWAY MOVING ON….
I shouldn’t stressing myself over what if.s and could be.s and all that other nonsense. It’s more important for me to enjoy the pregnancy and STAY POSITIVE!
taking good intentions to sleep