Feeling: Anxious and slightly flustered
Week 15 : The Tummy makes me feel happy. I am super enjoying being able to rub it and I sometimes try and be really really still because I read on some forum that women are feeling kicks and shimmies in there already!
I reading this week in The Girlfriend’s Guide, about how as a mother, you’re going to be paranoid every step of the way now that baby is growing inside you.
Worry seems to be a necessary exercise for pregnant women, and for every bit of reassurance you get, you will substitute one more thing to worry about…
Guilt provides all sorts of material for uncontrollable worrying in a pregnant woman. We become convinced that now is the time to pay the piper for all of the terrible things we did to ourselves in our carefree youth…
Wee. How exciting. The author of the book TOTALLY was NOT kidding. OMG, almost every moment of the day I’m pondering about the baby – is baby moving? IS he/she still there? I hope he/she is growing? Am I losing too much weight and the baby is not doing well or something?OMG OMG OMG OMG *FENG DIAO (疯掉）* (Crazy / Go mad Already)
You know I said I’m an over-thinker right. This doesn’t even BEGIN to cover it. (Although it is reassuring that I am not the only one who is suffering from the paranoia.)It’s crazy. I’ll wake up in the middle of the night, or in the morning after the body has absorbed excess fat and water and all that and I’ll be all – OMG has my tummy shrunk or something? Is the baby okay?
IT IS STRESSFUL :((
plus i haven’t been all that well-behaved when it comes to not eating certain things. I mean a little medium rare and sashimi can’t be that bad right? If in moderation….
I don’t know really. honestly sometimes after I enjoy myself gorging on some yummy meat or have an afternoon Earl Grey, I will totally and all of a sudden just get a panic attack and it’s all like – DIE, DIE, DIE. what if what I did totally harmed the baby!! *breaks down and cries* #emotionalbasketcase AGAIN.
i suppose that in a certain creepy and over-zealous and round-about way, it really does show that I love you baby! 😀
But I it is also a bit emotionally exhausting to be this worried all the time. I can only trust in God and stick to my beliefs and when I get the checks done at the doctors, to make sure that doc does everything during that time to check the baby and make sure everything is A-ok.
Plus, if I were to be ABSOLUTELY fair, I do still see my tummy growing a bit. Every time we take the weekend tummy pics, I always scrutinize the pictures from the previous week compared to today. like opening it up in Windows Picture viewer and previous-next-previous-next-clicking the photos to see if there’s a growth. Kind of like a mini slide show cum animation thingy haha.
In all of this I guess I have to be grateful to God for wiring us mothers this way. It’s a protection instinct to a certain extent. So that we are geared to doing whatever it takes to keep baby safe (save for eating raw foods and having the occasional sip of wine of course…)
Hypnobirthing Class 3
So we started this week off with some rather interesting things on video about how babies have the ability to retain memories right from the womb – like literally they can learn stuff (which is why we talk to them and play music to them and all that while they’re in there) but more amazingly, that they KNOW what is happening from the moment that the womb expels them and pushes them out for birth.
Like there was a segment where these twin babies are like playing a sort of like hide-and-seek type game in between sheer day curtains?
ANYWAY, they were playing one behind and one in front, and it was likened to how they were in their own little embryos in the womb during gestation, and were simply acting out what it was like to see their twin on the other side of the membrane. It was INTRIGUING to say the least. Yes, creepy a little, but amazing to think that they would remember something like that and even more so that something like that was going on in there the whole time!
I can’t seem to find similar videos to the ones that we were watching although there is one available that is starting to make its rounds on social media about how babies CAN’T remember their own birth because of the way that their brains are wired.
For all purposes of my blog post today however, we are going to talk about the babies that DO remember being born and here we are:
Anyway, it didn’t seem like long before I felt myself move and that’s the first time I felt a level of fear. It startled me…then I moved more and more and I was scared…the impressions said, “woah, what’s happening!?” Then all I saw was light and glare. There was a lot of noise. I didn’t like the light and I didn’t like the noise and I know why babies cry when they come out – they’re saying, “shut up and turn out that light!!!” It kind of ticked me off and I wanted to go back into my mom’s womb from day one, but there was no turning back.
– “I Can Remember Being Born” by Tiptoes
I don’t know about you, but that is C-R-eeeeeeeeeeee-pee…
In all honesty however, there’s a whole scientific study going on about it. I mean there’s a frigging WIKI page on it, so there has to be SOME legitimacy in whatever is going on with it right? Like I said, that’s why we play music and talk to baby and make an attempt to talk to the life that’s growing inside you.
You can read more about the theories below:
After you’re done looking at those, it’s important to note that basically what I got out of the videos we were watching was that it’s really important to make sure that precautions are taken to NOT shock the baby when baby is coming out because birth can be extremely traumatising.
And that could also just be because it takes WAY longer for infants to acclimate to a change of environment.
Hell, even as an adult, I don’t fancy being thrown into situations out of my comfort zone, what more for a baby who has lived its ENTIRE life in dark and fluid and and suspended motion. They suddenly have the weight of gravity and a whole lot of shit to deal with… like LIFE. I bet it’s something like an astronaut who’s been out in space for damn long suddenly being forced to come back to Earth.
Can anyone say GRAVITY?
Well, moving on, it’s important to have some other measure in place to help the baby get used to the outside world when he/she comes out . And that’s to initiate immediate bonding protocol.
Obviously it’s not actually called that, but it’s kinda like getting skin-to-skin with the bub once baby is out of your va-jayjay area. I’m not sure how I feel about it, baby being covered with my innards and blood and OMG CATCH ME BEFORE I FAINT stuff. But yeah. You should even try to do it while the damn umbilical is still connected to yourself. *shudder*
It’s supposed to help baby recognize mummy and daddy so they can put a face to the voices that he/she has been hearing inside. But not only that, apparently that will stimulate the chemical rush of love that the parents feel for the baby is hot-wired into your chemistry. (Sounds so technical when it’s put that way innit..)
Like throughout the entire discussion about this, I was questioning myself – I mean I’m such a worry-wort. What happens if when I give birth, no matter how smooth or difficult the birthing went, I DON’T feel anything for the baby?! IS THAT POSSIBLE?
Sigh. I was totally freaking out and pinning myself as the worst mother of the year for even thinking like that and I had to get a hug from the hubs to make sure I didn’t go all ape-shite basketcase again.
I’m sure it won’t turn out like that, but I did mention I over-think right?
AAAAaanywaaaaayy…. Besides that, we were talking about nutrition and also about some forms of massage and exercises for strengthening the pelvic muscles and abdominal/back muscles. Blahblahblah – not as emotionally tumultuous as what I just talked about, Stuff that you kind of know already?
Eat your veges and fruits and not too much fat and fried things – blahblahblah. Nag, nag, nag…
Massages and exercises were a good reminder though. We call kegels – Pelvic Floor Exercises in hypnobirthing class 🙂
I am particularly focused on getting the work don for the perineal area even though I can’t really practice much of it until like week 30? Apparently the skin isn’t receptiv to stimulation to become more “flexible” and won’t change for you right now no matter how much you fiddle with the skin. The massage is supposed to help with elasticity during delivery so we don’t have to get an episiotomy (or a cut + stitches) upon birth.
I got slightly distracted after the massage bit because people started calling me about some stuff. I asked a friend to call at 5.30, and we were supposed to end at 5pm haha. We kinda tend to run a little late every week. Not because there are a lot of questions, but because there’s quite a lot to learn. 2 hour sessions generally become 2 and a half or 3 hours long.
Anyway next week we are going to be looking at the birth plan. Hubs and I have actually already looked at it because we were doing our “homework” and thinking about what we needed to interrogate the doctor about. So I can tell you, next week’s hypnobirthing class is going to be MAD long and heavy.
SO many things are things that we totally not have thought to have down in writing so we can point and show the nurses and midwives and healthcare professionals. But I’m digressing and entirely talking about next week’s topic….
Signing off for today, i’m just gonna leave you with my resolution for the following week – this week I’mma gonna be all about keeping calm and not thinking about things that could happen to baby or blaming myself. I don’t wanna have sudden emotional fluctuations.
I’ve actually realised baby gets a bit jittery with certain foods and moods and I am seriously using the relaxation techniques to make sure during the day I grit my teeth less and furrow my brows.
SO – NO MORE OF THAT! 😀
Happy Mummy = Happy Baby,