Life is a bitch, and then it has puppies…

Weight: 60.2kg, hmm… re-calibrating mass…?
Feeling: Does everyone hate pregnancy or something?

So this week it seems like there’s a tonne of haters around.

I don’t know what it is, but I’ve been getting more and more depressed about the pregnancy lately although I’ve been trying extremely hard to stay positive and to look forward to when the bub arrives.

No fault of my own though. It just seems like when people know that you’re pregnant, they become eager to share about their own experiences – both men and women alike. And surprise, surprise, 99.9% of the time, it’s HORROR stories you’re hearing.

fantastic...

Seriously. Being pregnant seems to be a magnet for stories. All about how it was a bitch during the first tri, how some people were puking all the way throughout pregnancy, how your nipples are going to feel like they’re going to fall off the minute your baby clamps down, how being one with society just goes down the drain, how you no longer are your own person, how life just absolutely goes to shit….

Well thanks everyone, I’m TOTALLY looking forward to the baby coming out now hey?

and your eyebrows

seriously. I’m getting more and more angry whenever people keep shoving their stories on to me. I mean don’t they have anything GOOD to say?

i mean i GET that having a baby is tough and life has changed (obviously) once a helpless baby comes into your life, but do you really need to spread such negativity about the loins of your flesh?

Seriously, I’ve yet to hear a SINGLE comment about how parenthood is a joy and a blessing. Closest I’ve heard so far is “yeah, the pooping, sleepless nights, perpetually tired and I just want to die sometimes. Oh, but it’s so worth it.”

Today alone, 2 articles posted directly on Facebook about how to cope with horrible kids and the horrors of the first few days after childbirth.

Please kill me now.

kill me

I mean, where’s the beauty in having a baby? Once you’ve resigned yourself to the fact that you’re going to go to term with that precious life in your body, you’re already prepared for whatever there is to come. For crissakes, there’s enough media on how horrible taking care of a baby can possibly be, I really don’t need to hear it all from friends who are supposed to be my support network at the point in time where I think I can’t handle it.

I don’t know if it’s an “empathetic” kind of response like they are really trying to understand and tell me that they sympathise with what I have to go through eventually when the bub comes out, but I truly don’t appreciate it.

You’re supposed to feel the greatest feeling in the world when you’ve given birth. Like life begins now when the baby has finally entered your life. Where’s the joy and the laughter and the celebration of the new life?

All I’m getting is that having a baby is horrendous.

regret

Even if it IS in some twisted way trying to tell me that whatever i’m going to feel is going to be normal, actually voicing out what could happen is not making me feel any better. In fact it’s making me anticipate that the feelings of being upset and depression and generally wishing that baby never happened are an eventuality rather than a possibility.

Writing about all this negativity is really just stressing me out. The more I think about what’s to come, the more I start feeling fearful that i won’t be able to handle whatever it is that’s going to happen and that’s just a horrible place to be in.

I was reading some comments on a mother’s forum on Facebook the other day. This mother’s forum is actually an expat forum, so it shies away from the normal Asian method of parenting. Lots of mums post questions on it and mostly in the to what to do or “can i have some advice..” kind of formats. Anyway, it went something along the lines of “I’m really afraid of if baby comes out sooner. I’m really not ready. Can he/she just stays in there a little longer?” And I don’t want that to happen…

The hubs and I have been reading in the hypnobirthing book and there are particular passages that I want to highlight:

From – HypoBirthing – The Mongan Method
Page 74-75
“Several years ago, a mom came to my classes talking about the horrendously long and difficult births her mother and all of the women in her family experienced. This was the centerpiece of her conversation week after week. As I got to know her family, I saw that all the women in the family talked in “victim” language. In spite of the face that their birth stories were horrific, they were delighted to tell all of the details, each one surpassing the other, and each rushing in to grab her opportunity to tell how bad her pregnancies and birthings were. The mom and dad appeared to embrace the HypnoBirthing philosophy, but I was not surprised that her birthing story was one that could easily match and top those of her family members. The drama surrounding the birth was incredible, and there was a gathering of family and friends invited in to observe the performance. It was more important for this young woman to be able to remain in good standing in the sorority of her family and friends than it was to remain outside the group and to birth her baby calmly and peacefully as she had prepared.”

Page 69-70
“Words and suggestions set off a chain of feelings, beliefs and reactions that can be uplifting, encouraging and supportive – or totally debilitating….

Words create though and emotions; repeatedly entertaining the same thoughts conjures up feelings. Over time, these feelings become our beliefs. We begin to act out those beliefs by our behaviour. Our behaviour shapes our experiences. Hence, in HypnoBirthing, we focus only on the positive…..

The language you use and the language you hear from people around you, including caregivers and childbirth educators, keep your mind in a state of calm, or , conversely, trigger a state of unrest, stress and fear. Learn to choose your words carefully and associate with people who reinforce your own positive thinking (about birthing). If you are being bombarded by people who want to tell you birth horror stories, suggest that you wait until after you have your baby to exchange birth stories. Don’t get pulled into those kinds of conversations.” 

And it’s difficult to avoid your friends and family who want to tell you stories. It’s polite to listen and impolite to tell them that you don’t. But given the way that I’m getting more and more upset every time someone wants to regale me with how terrible it is to be a parent and how “you’re going to wish that the baby just stayed inside” It makes me want to curl up and die a little more each time.

can't deal

But through all of this was a particular mum who told of her own story while she was pregnant – she actually lost her dad in the 3rd trimester of pregnancy. Nothing to do with horror stories or even issues that came up because of the baby. Just a very natural fact of life that wreaks havoc on your emotions and your general well-being while being pregnant.

And something she said just really struck me:

“….was very strict to myself tat i was not allowed to be dragged down cos tat will impact my baby for a whole life later.”

“im grateful to my baby, without her, i could not have enough strength going thru such difficult stage”

There are bigger things at work here and through this mother’s forum although I see all the problems and nitty gritty issues that happen to every parent, it’s a stage for help and support and not about hopelessness and terrifying situations

just deal

I figure that there’s no use to argue with all these people and try to be neutral through everything. I just have to keep telling myself to be strong and not be influenced by everyone else’s comments.

God, please help me with that.

The one shining light in everything so far, is my darling husband. The other day I told him about how I was feeling so depressed and discouraged about the baby because of what everybody was saying and he told me: “Don’t you worry about what other people say. We are going to be amazing parents. I know that when we have this baby, I’m going to be so excited to come home everyday to see you and play with our bub. So don’t you worry.”

I’m paraphrasing here, but doesn’t that just make you want to cry from all the love that you feel when your husband supports you like that…

So push on I will, and keep staying positive I must.

bangarang

Happy Thoughts,
Jess

PS: Small tribute to my most favourite comedian and the best the world has seen. The one true great act that my child will only get to experience through movies and never know that he was a real person who touched real lives. RIP Robin Williams (1951 – 2014)

 

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