Personal Space please.

Weight: 60.9kg. What? STILL?
Feeling: 
A bit overwhelmed by everyone

I didn’t  quite know what to post about today. I’ve been getting a bit behind my writing and I don’t know what it is, but for some reason, things seem to require a lot more effort now that I’m pregnant.

I don’t even stretch and do yoga in the mornings anymore. I don’t bring the dog for our 45 minute long walks in the morning (a fact I’m sure she’s actually quite upset about), and it takes me a super duper long time (in comparison) to get things done,

Productivity has definitely lessened and I find myself sometimes absolutely wanting to die after lunch.

hello afternoon naps!

sleepytime!

But for the sake of whatever audience I have, I bucked up and buckled down and put my brain to work. And unfortunately, you’re going to be in for an entire post full of whining. Or at least I will try my best not to whine too much.

There truly isn’t much to update on right now. You’ll be excited in a week or two though! The detailed scans are coming up soon on the 29th of August and we are FINALLY going to find out whether things need to be blue or pink and go full steam with the shopping! WOOT

I digress..

A lot of people have been “getting to know” about my “condition” and i guess we’re kinda back to the whole “Oh.. I’m doing fine, but pretty much the same as last week…” version of answering people. It’s getting extremely tedious to meet people and to have to answer questions about how the baby is doing, do you know whether it’s a boy or a girl, have you planned this, have you bought that.

Maybe I’m a fair bit more angsty about answering questions than most (as my husband can attest) i absolutely HAAAAAATE repeating myself.

listen to me

It’s really not that I don’t want to answer, I mean if I wanted to keep to myself all the time, I wouldn’t have started this blog right? but i seem to be answering the same damn questions all the damn time.

When I first found myself with child , a friend told me that the worst part about being pregnant is that you are only an extension of your belly and not the other way around. seems like the only interesting thing about you now is your pregnancy and how the baby is doing. to hell with who you are or what you’ve been up to or what else is happening in your life. you are only as exciting as the last scan you had or whatever other latest update about your baby that you have for me.

like ok, I get the whole point about how when you have children, you are no longer your own person, but there has to be a LITTLE bit of room for my individual self aside from my baby right?

I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again:  I get that people are showing concern and I am constantly trying (key word trying) to be patient when people ask me questions, but I DO need to rant about it once in a while. I can’t be patient ALL the damn time right?

SIGH

exasperrated

Okay, worse bit about this whole thing is I actually encountered one of those over friendly tummy rubbing people! erm.. AWKWARD

I am almost always with a protective hand over tummy now and I’m like. Doesn’t that say anything to you?

What happened was we were supposed to be going for a meeting for the whole office, and I happened to bump into her coming in the opposite direction through a doorway. She said “OMG HEY!!! How are you doing! How’s the belly!” And she stretched her hand automatically to reach out for my stomach in an entirely invading way trying to attempt to rub my tummy.

I quickly shot my hand out in a parry and block and her hand came to a crash against my wrist and I managed a squeaky “yeah I’m good! See you later!” And got the hell away from weird tummy-rubber lady.

The person who did this to me was a lady from the office AND she’s actually another pregnant lady, but EVEN THEN. OMG, personal space much?

personal space

anyway  our hand clash actually came to blows a little harder than expected. she must have been moving her palms towards my mid-section with quite a fair bit of acceleration there… But in any case, it was total awkwardness later on when she had to come sit near me during the meeting.

It’s the first of these situations that I’ve come across for myself, but I”m certain it won’t be the last. I read about this somewhere but did a bit of googling after it happened yesterday to get a feeling on exactly how paranoid I am about another person touching my tummy. And apparently, I’m not the only one feeling violated by random hands reaching out towards mid-sections.

Here are some of the more awesome comebacks that I enjoyed reading but probably won’t actually try myself. (Probably…)

Yahoo Answers, SG

1)
“Just becuase someone is pregnant does not give the right to sexual harrasment. I hate being touched especially by people I do not know. So when someone starts coming at me or starts talking about my belly and I know they are going to try to touch me, I keep my hands on my belly and start stepping back. If they still do it, I just say “do you normally touch people you don’t know?” or if it’s someone I know, I just touch their belly’s back and they get the idea. Dont worry your not alone on the whole “back off my belly” thing.”
– Mrs Russell

2)
“You should make t-shirts that say

“Look but Don’t Touch”
“Hands off the goods”
” I Bite so Back Off”
” No Touching zone”
or the picture of the big red circle with a line through it like the No smoking signs but for No touching.

You can wear them when you go out in public ie at walmart. it should cut down on the strangers trying to touch you.”
– kelloggs322

The list goes on I tell you and some of them REALLY hilarious answers..

Baby Center

3)
“Frankly, I don’t concern myself with how polite I am. I didn’t become public property when I became pregnant–none of us did. Anyone who touches me anywhere is subject to having their hand removed quickly and as firmly as necessary to get my point across. Hopefully, I’ll be the last pregnant woman they touch without permission, and I’ll have done my fellow moms-to-be a favor.”
–  jinniver

4)
“When I was 8 months pregnant with my daughter, a man I didn’t know came up to me in the grocery store and without even saying a word to me, put his hands on my bump! My husband’s reaction was PRICELESS! Without saying a word, he reached out to the strange man and “cupped” the man’s privates! The man jumped back and said “what do you think you are doing touching me?!?” My husband calmly said, “what do you think it’s like for a pregnant woman to be touched by a stranger… anything like what just happened to you?” The man turned to me and apologized and walked away. I didn’t know what to say to my husband after the incident, but I have never felt so protected in my whole life! — AND, on this pregnancy, i’ve found something less “confrontational” – I started telling the strangers that want to “touch” – “i’m NOT pregnant!” they are mortified and think twice before reaching out to another pregnant woman in the future, and i get a bit of a giggle!”
-Jaelyn75

Now this tummy touching issue is slightly different from what I posted earlier on about the questions and not wanting to answer.

But it gets to me. 

I was talking to my business boss the other day and I can’t believe that I actually had to tell her that obviously I’m going to do my best for my baby. It’s not like I have a choice now that the baby is already growing inside me. I’m obviously not going to get rid of the baby or what. Do i look like someone who is clueless about how to care for another person?  Let’s not talk about babies, but even other adult-sized humans for that matter…

Same goes for all the asshole who’ve ever asked me whether I’ve quite smoking or drinking or stopped eating this and started taking prenatal vitamins and all that. Just because I’m complaining about things changing, it DOES NOT mean that I won’t still try and do my best -or whatever it takes to do pregnancy and parenthood the proper way right?

WHAT are you INSINUATING by asking me whether I’m putting in all my effort to work for what I think my family needs.  No matter what the decision is at the end of the day, it is MY prerogative and how DARE you be judgemental. As it there isn’t enough pressure having to carry a baby in my body.

i'll kill you!

How insensitive are these people REALLY?

You know the more I hear people questioning me this way or feeling like I need to complain about anything pregnancy, the more I worry that I’m not meant to be a parent.It’s bad enough to feel this way but to have people just being totally unsupportive like this…..

Don’t tell me that they have been so goddamned saintly they never had second thoughts about anything and feel that they have a right to question what I am doing to myself and my family.

There is a much better way to go about expressing your concern for me and a MUCH better way to phrase questions towards me wondering about how I’ve been doing.

*FUMES*

fuming

See now I’m really angry and that can’t possibly be okay for the baby. So okay, all that complaining aside..

I’d just like to end with a slightly funny (I hope) note. About the good bits of being preggers…

 

You guys have seen the pictures, And now that my tummy has started showing, people are starting to notice and stand up for their MRT seats a little more. It’s actually been quite funny discussing the MRT conundrum with friends. They have the funniest ideas about how I can and should maximise on my golden opportunity for a guaranteed seat on the train every time I get on that mode of public transport and especially when it’s crowded.

I have actually been carrying my pregnancy books around because for the life of me, it’s impossible to find time to read them. There’s always work and blog-writing and when the husband is home, all I want to do is spend time with him, so the only REAL time I get to get down to reading is while on the train.

But I’ve got to fight with motion sickness sometimes too, so even those times I’m on the bus it’s not all that feasible for me to be reading. The train is better, but it’s still a bit difficult to keep your balance AND read at the same time.

train balance

HENCE, I should start holding my book with the cover facing outwards and walking exceptionally closely to the people sitting on the train, especially those on the priority seats. They should all get a close up view of the book that I’m holding. In fact, Why shouldn’t I dance around the train car a little while I’m at it, while rubbing my tummy suggestively.

The group I was talking to about this was particularly creative. I should start talking to my belly… “it’s ok baby, mummy is here.. it’s just a train! It won’t be long til we’re at our destination okay?”

Also, while rubbing tummy suggestively.

in your face

Honestly, people don’t always get the hint. Yesterday I got on a train with my book and started reading suggestively. And NOBODY got up.

I might not be humungous yet, but seriously, it took the journey from one station to the next for anybody to realise, and only because the train jolted when coming to a stop. Then and only then did anybody bother to gesture to me about taking a seat. And disgustingly, it wasn’t the able bodied asshole who was sitting in the priority seat but another person in the centre of the car.

By that point I was pretty miffed about the chivalry of the men (and others) in Singapore and the utter lack of courtesy that I just rolled my eyes and said it’s okay I’m going to get off soon anyway. (which was true)

Thumbs_Up!

In the meantime, maybe  I should start taking some of the other suggestions to heart and start practicing. I mean the tummy is going to balloon in no time and it’ll be pretty obvious I deserve the priority seat all in due time…

Also on hindsight, maybe I wasn’t rubbing the tummy suggestively though so maybe that’s why so that’s a lesson learnt for another day hey?

Pushing forward.
Jess

 

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2 thoughts on “Personal Space please.

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