Weight: 67.9kg – there is something UP with the 68.0kg barrier…
Feeling: pressed for time, all the time…
Before I start blogging proper, I just want to comment a bit on my weight. I’m so FRUSTRATED with this stupid 68kg mark. Can’t seem to cross it for the last few mornings and it’s pissing the hell out of me.
It is quite a big milestone actually. 68.0kg would be the 10kg gain point but seriously? Just get me there already! Let’s have this pregnancy go all out 🙂
ANYWAY, I was just getting up from bed this morning – the same way I always get up from bed. From one side, I roll to the other, and baby seems to disagree with being shifted and started kicking against the mattress and pillows around me.
Because of all the movement, I decide that I can’t sleep any more and choose to get up.
I’m still tired though, but I also figure that since baby is up and I haven’t gotten up to eat at all through the night, that I better get some form of food in my belleh before he makes even more of a ruckus in there.
What a dilemma huh? To stay in bed or to get up and feed the baby… haha
It might seem like a simple question, but it’s actually a really complicated one when I think about it, hence deciding to write about the topic today.
Do I rest more and give the baby a chance to grow in a stable and peaceful, IMMOBILE environment? Or do I get up and get fuel for baby to grow?
What’s the right thing to do? Will I ever know what the right decision is for baby?
Well, given that I sleep in a fair amount of hours a day already, I force myself to get up. After all, there’s a mountain of things that need to be done. And when you’re working freelance, you really need to be motivated to get work done, or you’re not earning anything.
There’s just so much to do that is tedious, and not fun. But hey, a woman’s gotta do what a woman’s gotta do right? Especially when it involves earning a living and there are other lives hanging in the balance..
Baby and Puppy, you guys better appreciate!!
Moving on, I find that it’s so interesting that minutes after I came up with the topic for the day that a friend of mine posted this status update about the Disease of being Busy. It’s a little different from what I made the decision of eating vs sleeping out to be, but similar in a sense too – that there really is SO many things to do at any given point of time…
Such a poignant topic – bridging my last post and this one. Not so much about whether I’m going to be around to raise baby, but whether I’m going to MAKE time to do so.
There are SO many links to this problem of a generation that seems to be just too busy DOING things than to enjoy what’s going on around us and to take the time and smell the flowers before it’s too late.
*Note: I will try my best not to be so morbid in today’s post but it WILL be serious.
Because there are just so many things to consider when it comes to making time to do things.. Let’s not even talk about when the baby comes.
What happened to a world in which we can sit with the people we love so much and have slow conversations about the state of our heart and soul, conversations that slowly unfold, conversations with pregnant pauses and silences that we are in no rush to fill?
How did we create a world in which we have more and more and more to do with less time for leisure, less time for reflection, less time for community, less time to just… be?
Take our lives now. I know that I may be a sort of planner-type person and I generally aim for maximum efficiency of time.
That means ensuring that I’m making the most of the minutes and hours in the day to get the most out of it. That ALSO means that I tend to force myself to work through lunch hours at home so that when the hubs comes back after work I don’t have to run off and do work and disrupt our together time which is so precious.
The hubs and I try to run an equal household, and while I stay at home and do my freelance thing or my own time own target work, we try to share housework like cleaning and laundry and cooking and washing up.
That means that on most days, after a fully packed day of WORK on both ends, all we want to do is have dinner together, maybe watch a show or movie on the TV while eating, wind down for an hour and then take a shower and hit the sack. Especially for the husband who has to wake up at 5am for work (because it’s at TUAS *bleah*), that means there’s so little time for very much else.
Weeks that we have a few days in a row of staying up to 11pm, he’s a zombie.
“What about the weekends then?” you say.
Well, let me tell you then when you are preparing for an imminent baby arrival, you truly don’t have much time for much else than prepping the new nursery and buying supplies.
And of course there are friends that we want to catch up with before your life is flipped upside down to revolve around the baby, so you try and arrange for weekend brunches and dinners.
I also want to make sure that I make some new mummy friends but squeezing in Obgyn visits and mummy brunches AND while getting the house ready plus visiting the baby expos…..
Hell, last weekend’s brunch and swimming? The husband and I had to schedule in FREE TIME if we want to take a break to do things.
Well, it’s really making me evaluate how things are going to be when baby is out. Of course excluding the period of paternity leave where I swear we’ll be living in a paradise of being together 24-7 to take care of the baby.
*note: All you people who say it won’t be paradise, need to understand that for the hubs and I, being together is a paradise no matter what we’re doing. We could literally be wiping baby’s backside and cleaning projectile vomit off the walls and still be happy as long as we’re together.
All together now… AWWWW!!
But, we have been talking about this for a while now. Especially with the state of our finances, I’m seriously considering going back to full time work eventually. In a bank or something. Unless the hubs gets a promotion which allows me to be a semi-part time stay at home mum (SAHM), my freelance work might not be sufficient to sustain out household.
I’m REALLY not going to get into the whole entire SAHM debate, except to say that the idea appeals to me more and more.
I want to be at home and be the caregiver for my child. To be the one who witnesses his first steps and first words and everything.
I DON’T want to have to hire a helper who becomes a surrogate. I’d be heartbroken if there ever came a scenario where my child thought the maid was more of a mother than I was simply because I’m not around due to work.
The situation is different for the hubs though. I know that he feels responsible for bringing home the bacon AND he loves his work 🙂 He was one of the lucky people in this world who found out early that what he loved doing is ALSO something that he’s good at.
While it means he’ll be away from us during the day, everyday without fail, the hubs reassures me that no matter whether his or my job changes, things will be fine. That coming home to me (and eventually me and the baby) is the highlight of the day – as much as having him come home is MY highlight of the day 🙂
It’s taken a lot out of us and right now, the best thing is for the both of us to pray about these issues and leave the decision making to God. We’re just hoping for clear direction how to move forward with planning for our household to adapt to money and time.
I wanted to say a little something about ALPHA ‘s “The Parent Course”. We’re doing a little homework on that right now and while we’re doing the coursework at home right now, I’m not about to share that online just yet.
I’ll eventually get down to writing it out and posting it on the blog. But after going through the first section of the course, I don’t think it’s quite applicable at this stage when baby isn’t out yet.
ANYWAY, the First class (out of 6) actually was apt for today’s blog post though – that children don’t really care about WHAT you give them, only about the quality and quantity of time and love that you offer.
And that just hammered it home for me that as things move to change in the next few months, that I really need to ensure that we make the time out of our schedules to NOT be busy when it comes to the baby(ies).
But for now, while I struggle with keeping my organizer organized and my schedules in order, I’ll stick to simpler and less stressful decisions to keep baby healthy all the way until I pop.
Tired & hungry, But which do I want to do more?