Winding down by Winding Up

Weight: 68.4kg – I should be happy that I haven’t hit 70kg yet. I can’t imagine what it’d be like to lose all that weight postpartum…
Feeling: Busy like a Bee

So I’m definitely in my third trimester right, with the aches and pains and tummy swelling and abundant kicks and it’s really getting quite hard for me to walk around and get anywhere outside of my house.

Just a few weeks more til I’m due anyway right? I thought I’d take the opportunity to wind down and not do anything. Especially after that glorious weekend of not doing anything.

shake leg

Well, it seems like God and the world really have something else in mind, because for the life of me, I think it’s going to be a long time before we get a repeat performance of last weekend 😦

For starters, this weekend is going to be relatively mad. Besides the bi-weekly visit the obgyn, I’ve got a prenatal massage and a birthday dinner, and more birthday dinners and a dog run thingy! And because the hubs is only available on the weekends, it means that we’ve got to fit in all the chores and errands into the off hours while we’re at it.

Okay, I get that a massage might sound pretty relaxing, but when you think about all the other things that we have to plan around getting your body ship-shape, the stress of coordinating all these activities in a limited span of time is not funny AT ALL.

In addition to all the weekend fluster and bluster, the weekdays are going to be quite jammed with things to do too. The holiday season will be even worse as the party invitations start coming in too.

i'm busy!

And for some reason, because I work from home, people think that I’m very free. I can tell you that it’s not so. I mean I AM flexible, I can go out for 2 to 3 hour lunches and I can do afternoon teas and the like. When I wasn’t pregnant, hell, an afternoon beer wouldn’t have been too out of the question.

But not doing work means not making money. So every moment that I’m not doing something productive at home or with a client is a moment wasted; and what’s worse is that it’s also a moment that I could be earning something but I’m not.

It’s really not that I’m a money-faced person, but there is a certain amount of budgeting and planning that needs to be done now that there’s an impending change to the way we’re going to live our lives. And obviously having a few more dollars in the bank is going to help a little bit.

I’m just worried about the trade-offs and the what-ifs. If I did A would it have been a better choice than if I had decided to do B instead? Should I really be going out when I’m supposed to be resting? Is it going to have any effect on the baby? Should I be worrying about money more or should I be focusing on the experience of bringing up my baby..

GAAAHH!

so confused

Okay, shaking everything off, I really don’t think I can afford to be wishy-washy at this point in time. And I don’t suppose I can really complain. The fact that i’m going to be horribly busy next week going out, means that I’m meeting potential clients and doing whatever it is that I need to do to stay on top of my game for work like going for company mandatory meetings and lessons.

I know for sure that a fair bit of the activity that’s going on next week HAS to be sent from God, because in an otherwise equal world, meetings like the ones I’m taking part in would not have just happened on their own.

For example, I’m a bit excited at some house-warmings that the hubs and I have been invited to. Being able to see old friends who’ve been busy the rest of the year makes me feel… happy that we’ve all been able to put a bit of time aside to just meet up and catch up and celebrate a new phase in each others’ life.

I’ve also been called to meet a new client or two for my business and the amount of freelance work that I normally get has suddenly increased 2 fold due to the amount of work the head company has been receiving. More work and meet-ups = more income and I really don’t think I should be saying anything about that!

can't complain

So all that being said, it looks like I’m able to justify good reason to do whatever it is that I need to do for the next few weeks. And I’m really thinking what exactly is the issue here? Why am I being so hesitant to be social and to go out and meet people?

I guess it’s just me being lazy and a victim of procrastination. Not wanting to do things that are out of the norm. I think I live a happy and orderly life and I don’t want things to change! I’m scared of the unknown and worse still, that my decisions have a lasting impact on the people around me. Not to mention that those “people” are my husband and my child..

Sigh. If only there were a simple way to live life without having to worry about consequences eh?

But if I were to be absolutely honest with myself, being a parent means there’s going to be a lot more harder decisions coming up. What preschool, how should I portion his allowance, breast versus formula milk, when to wean, should I leave the baby monitor on or…. It’ll be a never-ending cycle of what’s coming next and each decision will be just as stressful as the last….

pull my heart out

If I’m going to be worrying about every little decision that I have to make, then I’m really not going to be enjoying parenthood at all.. There’s really no room for worry.

I’m going to just need to remind myself to take each situation as it comes and remember that I have my hubs to back me up and do the research alongside with me, and above all, to trust  God that He will guide my hand to be an awesome parent.

After all is said and done, the world is truly going to revolve around the little bub. But that shouldn’t be any reason for me to recluse myself from the experience of being a parent in the efforts to hold on to whatever is left of the old life – the old life will wash away and things will change…

at your service

Well, no matter what is scheduled for the weekend or coming week, it might be the last time that things are done a certain way, free of the added consideration of my baby.  So I need to seriously lighten up!! *slaps myself*

Moving forward, to get me started on the journey to acceptance of change, I think I will focus on the weeks that we have left before baby comes up and truly make every moment count. Starting with taking a well deserved afternoon nap, haha! 😉

All the sleep while we can, when we can,
Jess

 

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