One step at a time…

Weight: 69.4kg and we’re keeping it under 70…
Feeling: MAD TIRED. need sleeeeeeeepzzzzzzzzzzzzz…


week33

Week 33 : outwards and onwards!


Today’s post is delayed because it’s the week of MAD RUNNING AROUND. OMG it’s so not funny and I’m actually pretty worried about whether I’ll be able to meet my work obligations with all the things that I have to do.

“What are you doing still blogging then?” you may ask.

Why, I love you all so much that I absolutely HAVE to pen down my thoughts, of course!

Not to mention the fact that I’ll probably go mad without purging all the things going on in my head, AND probably regret that I didn’t take the time to chronicle what happened this week as I creep closer and closer towards the due date of my pregnancy.

soon

Well, it really does look like things are getting more and more busy, what with old friends and new friends coming into my life again. Plus the Christmas season coming up and the ever-increasing number of obgyn visits….

I really don’t quite know where to start with this weekend edition of posting, so why not at the update:


So we had our week 33 gynae visit over the weekend.

Looks like baby is consistently small! I know that isn’t as good as “everything is going wonderfully and baby is normal and average” but it’s still a “Yay” situation! Have to be grateful as long as it isn’t bad news of course..

Doctor still says that we have to keep monitoring though. Just in case.

He says that because baby is consistently small, the chances are that baby might not continue on a good train of absorption in the later bit of the third trimester. We’ll cross our fingers that he’ll continue growing past the English new year for 2015.

fingers crossed

Otherwise. We’ll have to induce to get him out, get him diagnosed for any developmental issues and start feeding him in the real world.

I won’t lie, I’m not entirely comforted that things are going okay since everything is consistent. It could honestly have something to do with the way that the doctor presents the facts. I understand that it’s not meant to be watered down for my feelings and I wouldn’t say that it’s not tactful, but certain things could have been told to us a little more softly.

I mean, the doc knows I’m like 101% into an entirely natural birth. Having to be induced would really be quite upsetting for me. ESPECIALLY since I’m the kind of person who HATES when plans get screwed up.

throw your hands up

What’s the point in making plans, or even contingencies and strategies to ensure things go the way it should, if everything is going to screw up right?

So, much to my chagrin, we’ve got to do a tonne more visits to the doctor coming up. Every week until baby is due to come out looks like :/

It’s down to the wire and really crunch time now! Around a month left to go…


I had a family gathering on Sunday evening for my uncle’s 70th birthday. And a lot of the relatives that I reconnected with, were seeing me for the first time in real life aside from Facebook. That meant that there was going to be a tonne of questions and asking for updates and small talk…

nope nope nope

I don’t know if it’s because I’m just feeling very protective and defensive of my choices or I have my hackles raised because I don’t want to be nagged about what I have or haven’t chosen or what I intend to do or not do.

For example: I had one glass of red wine last night because it was quite a big shindig. And I got more than my fair share of gasps and heads shaking. I even got a few “Wah, you GOOD!”s

roll eyes

I KNOW that they mean well and just want the best for me, but it’s SO HARD to do something I don’t want to do! Or on this case, it’s hard to put down the glass of wine, when I want to have a break! Let’s not even talk about me having to hold my tongue when I’m desperate to shoot back a retort that “Yeah, I KNOW that already, don’t you think I’ve thought it over myself?”

Yeah, I’m not the kind of person who would conceal my thoughts when I’ve got something to say.

There’s this bit in the Hypnobirthing book that says that I really shouldn’t be letting myself be influenced by other people’s birthing (and parenting) experiences.

“The language you use and the language you hear from people around you, including caregivers and childbirth educators, keep your mind in a state of cal, or, conversely, trigger a state of unrest, stress and fear. Learn to choose your words carefully and associate with people who reinforce your own positive thinking about birthing. If you are being bombarded by people who want to tell you birth horror stories, suggest that you wait until after you have your baby to exchange birth stories. Don’t get pulled into these kinds of conversations.”

– Hypnobirthing, The Mongan Method

I think I’ve posted this before. This time though, I really felt demoralised by how HAPPY my relatives were about epidurals and assisted births that were totally against what we’ve planned.

Is having a natural birth really SO difficult?

really..

I also have a bit swayed by the bits of reading that I do here and there, whether on the forums, or books that I read, or articles that people have been posting about how nobody will give you a trophy for going through labour without medication, for lasting 3 months, 6 months, 1 year, or even 2 years of breastfeeding.

What’s the most important is whether you are comfortable with your decisions at the end of the day. Don’t be too hard up on yourself etc…

For me, I’m torn. I want to do the best for my family and my baby, regardless of the sacrifice I have to go through. But reading passages like this – I don’t know if I’m just looking for excuses in case I can’t pull through all the way with things.. Thinking about negative outcomes could make for self-fulfilling prophecies and that kind of thing…

That means staying away from negative influences right? But it think that it’s also important to be sufficiently informed in case things don’t work out the way you wanted it to.

How?

huh

Even more thought-provoking about how I should be reacting was I did react when I had the chance to meet up with the January mummies on Friday for dinner – the same group that I was iffy about when it came to the whatsapp chat group. But anyway, We had CRAB.. It was an interesting meeting considering how tentative I was about meeting a group of strangers.

Yes, given what I do for a living, shyness actually shouldn’t be a big issue for me, but I did say that the mummies were much more experiences than I was, and I didn’t find that I had anything in common yet. YET.

I was going to look for a sorta female BFF who could walk through the whole pregnancy experience together with me right? So that means putting myself out there.

That means sucking up my procrastination and self-doubt and just go and bang table! Meet people!

stepbrothers-did-we-just-become-best-friends

And the outcome? I definitely didn’t regret meeting up with them. Things were a little awkward. I’m still relatively “young” for being in the “family way” but because they were so friendly and welcoming, it was interesting to learn from their experiences.

Found out that one of them was actually a lactation consultant so I was happily asking all the breastfeeding questions. And the rest of us were just talking about what to expect when it comes to labour and “time” to pop. It was a very enjoyable makan (eating) session for sure!

One thing I realised after the meeting and a bit of self reflection, was that it was because I felt I had nothing to lose with sharing my honest feelings with these people, I could be more myself. To just tell them what I really felt about certain pregnancy and parenthood issues. How I would want to do things in my own way.

And yes, I see how different my psyche must seem like in front of different people. It’s quite a fair bit different from when we meet up with family members and colleagues. But I feel significantly more free about answering questions and asking them, letting people in on what my real self is like…

real me honay

At the end of the day, every case is unique and needs a different way of handling. I just need to make sure that I remember to take the time to breathe and think properly before I act at each event. I shouldn’t overwhelm myself with all the what ifs and coulda, shoulda, wouldas of this pregnancy.

In any case, the baby is gonna come anyway so I need to be confident about what I end up deciding to do about anything. So for the time being, it’s gonna be about taking things slowly and taking things as it comes..

Que sera sera!,
Jess

 

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “One step at a time…

  1. Actually I think a natural birth IS difficult, but it is DOABLE, and it is YOUR choice. And you know babe, having a billion and one strangers’ opinions in your face is part of motherhood ahaha. In the end, smile and nod but do whatever the f you want. If you have done your own research, you’re prepared, you know the pros and cons and you have decided on a course of action, DO IT. Hats off to ya!!!

    Don’t fret about baby’s size. Not like you and John are terribly tall and big sized either. So probably just genetic!

    Also why henna already gone boohoo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s