When reality bites..

Weight: 68.8kg
Feeling: Shaken, not stirred, yet renewed and determined

*Special Friday Newsflash!*

OMG I’m Blogging on a non-normal blogging day! What sorcery is this?!

sorcery

Yeah, I really don’t think it’s going to be a long post, so don’t be too excited just yet.

Something just happened last night that I felt I absolutely needed to pen down so here I am 🙂 Entertaining you on the glorious day which is the gateway to the weekend..

Well, what happened? You’re yelling.

I’ll tell you!

I HAD A DREAM.

OhWow

Okay, seriously, not like THAT. It was a horrible, terrifying dream. One in which I woke up from at 3am in the morning and frantically started tugging at my hubs’ arms and demanding that he come over to my side of the bed and hug me and make me feel better.

*Side note: Isn’t it such a lovely feeling when you’re being held and you just feel so.. SAFE*

Anyway, I’ve been dreaming a lot lately. And I dream vividly – in technicolour and with seriously movie-worthy scripts and plotlines and scenarios. Last night’s dream was no different.

I had dreamt that my husband and I had travelled to a deserted little island (or rather sandbar) and we were having a glorious time in a luxurious one-room suite or a room-sized mattress (I can’t remember which, dreams tend to morph and represent itself as many things at one time, anyway you get the point).

After a while, he suggested that we should get off this sandbar and travel to another more secluded area. We had a little row boat suddenly emerge off some peripheral reeds and present itself for us to get through, and me, in my groggy state, dilly-dallied to get into the boat while my hubs slowly pushed the boat out to deeper waters.

Hope you’re still following me, I know it seems boring up to now. And while things are sounding boring, let me take the time to describe the surroundings, which were also just as vivid in my mind.

There were swimmers frolicking in the distance in the clear blue  waters, there were also some guys fly-fishing a little ways away.

Now this is important because in a blink of an eye, there was a sudden flurry. People were swimming away from a particular point in the water.

My husband, who by now was probably a good 25 metres away suddenly jumped away with the rowboat and looked straight at me and screamed that I needed to be looking into the water.

To my horror, I saw a humongous crocodile swimming towards me. And we are talking about an I-ate-Captain-Hook’s-hand type of croc too.

croc-in-water

This stock picture of a croc, does NOT do my dream croc any justice. TRUST ME.

Plus of course, the only angle of the croc that I saw, was his jaws coming right for my position, and he was gaining speed.

I tried to move aside, but i was bogged down by the traction in the water and of course, being the efficient swimming bugger that crocodiles are, he maneuvered easily and changed his direction to be even more in line with my head than I could have thought possible from before.

At this point, I was dumb-founded and absolutely rooted to the spot in shock when the croc picked up speed to lunge out of the water, teeth everywhere and jaws open wide, aiming right for my head.

I shut my eyes and the last thing I saw was me, heading helplessly into the depth of his gullet.

And I woke up.

bad dream

And like I said, I was distraught. Like seriously I just couldn’t handle what just happened.

I didn’t literally die or anything, but the whole ordeal was the most shocking thing that had ever happened to me! And I’m not a very squeamish or easily frightened person.

In fact, after calming myself down and talking to the hubs about contingency plans if I went back to sleep and the croc decided to make a reappearance, I was surprised I hadn’t been more garang (fierce) and done something more daring, like jumped on the fellas back and used him as a noble steed to get us to our next dream destination.

Hell, my husband was telling me that I could have tried my best to shut the croc’s jaws because it’s easier to clamp its mouth down BEFORE you’ve been chomped on rather than prop its mouth open when being caught in it. Less energy required about it too..

Then I remembered that animals are pretty sensitive around their nose and eyes also, so why didn’t I just jab its face?

WHY 2

Well moving on, it’s obvious I wasn’t really able to get much more sleep after that. The hubs said a little prayer for me and asked the Lord to give me the courage to be fearless in my dreams and to protect me from over active thoughts while I’m asleep. And I tried my best to get a little more rest.

What was interesting about everything was that I was the most scared of being helpless. All the things that I think that I know that I should be doing, and I can’t do it. I’m literally rooted and frozen in place, unable to do anything about the impending doom that’s staring me right in the face.

That’s what triggered the tears when I woke up. I sobbed my heart out in self-pity at how bad I was at handling everything in my dream – that I couldn’t even do anything about the stupid crocodile that was about to eat me. That I just closed my eyes and let death engulf me.

PATHETIC.

hopeless simba

But waking up and being in the right mind to look at the facts, I thought I might look a little into dream interpretation and see what it means.

Let me just say this before hand. Even without going into the dream interpretation dictionaries, I had my suspicions of what the dream could mean. Now I’m hardly gifted with  the ability to interpret dreams, but I suppose it was pretty straight forward that I’m scared of something that is manifesting in my dreams and was going to swallow me whole.

Not to mention the utter feeling of hopelessness and desperation I was left with when I shot wide awake from the epitome of the dream.

As a Christian, we don’t quite believe in the occult or rather, the POWER of the occult over the strength of our Lord Jesus. He conquers everything, including death, so what’s a little figment of my imagination right?

But there are instances of dream interpretation in the Bible anyway, so I thought that I’d read a little into it.

research

*Side note #2: Sorry, I know I said this won’t be long; we’ve actually hit about 1200 words already. But Hey, the heart and the head have to say what it wants to say right?*

Here’s what I’ve found:

(1) Dreams of being Chased

As you may be aware of, chase dreams are quite common and often reflect a situation that you are afraid in confronting. The crocodile most likely symbolizes your hidden instincts, repressed anger and destructive feelings. Another way to view this dream may be your feelings toward some situation or perhaps even a relationship in which you feel suffocated or that is eating you up inside.

The varying surroundings and settings that your chase dreams take place is a clue to your state of mind and reflects what you may be really feeling in your waking life. Houses and buildings typically represents the Self. Consider the type of building and condition/part of the house to guide you which aspect of yourself may be neglected or in conflict. For example, the bedroom may indicate a neglected relationship or a relationship in jeopardy. Swamps represents some emotional turmoil and confusion that you may be feeling. Being chased in the wide open field in nice, pleasant weather suggests that you may be feeling happy at the time. But deep inside you still have not deal with some lingering problem/feeling that is continually chasing you even through what appears to be happy carefree times. It’s a situation that will not go away and should be confronted.

(2) Crocodile Dreams

Crocodile

 To see a crocodile in your dream symbolizes freedom, hidden strength and power. It also forewarns of hidden danger. Someone near you is giving you bad advice and is trying to sway you into poor decisions. Because crocodiles can live in water and on land, they also represent your conscious and subconscious and the emotional and rational. Perhaps something is coming to the surface and you are on the verge of some new awareness.

 Alternatively, the crocodile may be an aspect of yourself and your aggressive and “snappy” attitude. Or it may reveal that you are being insincere, displaying false emotions and shedding “crocodile tears”.

 Dreaming that you are chased or bitten by a crocodile implies that you are refusing to confront some painful, disturbing or destructive aspect of your subconscious. Your feelings toward a situation or relationship is suffocating you or is eating you up inside.

Now that’s DEEP.

mind blown

I really don’t want to have to read too deeply into the interpretations that I’ve found but one thing is for certain – subconsciously, I’m really worried about this pregnancy and parenthood and even though everything looks fine on the outside, there are some nerves that aren’t so easily gotten rid of.

The reality of things seems to be a lot more serious and conc

Whatever the true reasons behind the showing up of the big bad crocodile, at least now that I know that there’s that feeling there, I hope that it means I’ll be able to get on the right track to tackle that fear and uncertainty. The whole situation is going to require a lot more praying about for sure!

But one step at a time I suppose, and finding a way to express my feelings is the first step to finding a solution to the problem.

I just hope that as things progress closer and closer to the date, that even if I don’t fully get rid of this feeling of uncertainty, that at least I’ll be more confident to say that I feel equipped to handle the stress of it and do something constructive, like read up and ask for help from friends.

i need help

No point being this frustrated and crying about it and being a basketcase right?

Well, project in progress…

In the meantime, pray for me. I could use as much rest as I can get now without scary crocodile symbolisms invading my subconscious.

Snap, Snap, Chomp, Chomp,
Jess

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