Feeling: Reclusive and unwelcoming. Just leave me to suffer my third trimester in peace!
Week 37: We forgot to take photos yesterday. Horrible HORRIBLE oversight on our part. We’ll do so tonight and update you guys tomorrow!
So I have been warding off unwelcome hands off my belly for the whole of last week due to the amount of family gatherings we’ve had. It was lovely catching up with people but OMG! Am I tired of swatting! And besides that, I’m back into the big rut of not wanting to talk to people again.
I just can’t stand for a lot of things these days. Literally and figuratively.
I’m so big and heavy now, I just want to sleep all day, it’s not the easiest endeavour to get up when you’re lying down either… But then my tummy starts rumbling and I know I need to just up and at ’em to feed the bub…
Anyway, moving on and regarding my horribly exclusive change in attitude…
A while back, I was talking to a good friend of mine and she was swapping pregnancy stories. She recently gave birth about half a year ago to her #2 and told me that in her third trimester she barely wanted to get up, much less go out and see people – she felt so bloated and unsightly in a sense that she just wanted to stay at home and do what she needed to do, AWAY from the eyes and inquisitions that everyone else was posing onto her.
Not a woman’s best moment when she’s bloated to the tips of her fingers and toes and can’t see past her belly to what shoes she’s wearing let me tell you that. And my hands are up because that was seriously something that was close to having happened to me, so it’s NOT just a saying. Don’t even get me started on how difficult it is to do a bit of gardening in the nether regions…
Now while I don’t feel ENTIRELY like I need to stay at home and away from the world, I am definitely feeling emotional changes as I reach “THE TIME”. I am definitely snapping more at people and getting a heckuva lot more defensive and emotional about my opinions and anything else that’s going on around me.
I truly don’t know what it is! It’s a tonne of emotions, it’s people saying the wrong thing, or maybe I’m just taking a bit more of an offence against everyone that crosses my path. Maybe I’m just sibei sway (SUPER UNLUCKY) that I keep being thrown up against all the idiots of the world.
It’s no longer about people who don’t see the pregnancy and brush past me as they commute in the MRT station, it’s the people who notice the pregnancy but are insensitive about it and MOST OF ALL – it’s that I’m just so ANGSTY!
It’s like there’s some beacon at the top of my head and it’s going “HELLO WORLD! I’m Pregnant, PLEASE COME IRRITATE ME NOW, NOW, NOW!!!”
See, the other day the hubs and I went to eat a lovely meal because we wanted to go on a “date night” before bub came and made going out just the 2 of us impossible. So we were seated at this lovely side table that was quiet and cosy, but along an aisle-way. That meant that people would walk past our table ever so often to leave or go to the loo or whatever.
Inevitably came a lady who was passing on her way to the toilet, and while she walked down said aisle, for some apparent reason, she felt the need to stare down every single table to see what they were eating as she passed on.
Like, what’s the big deal about that right? Most people cast a glance at other tables when they’re eating just to see what others have ordered and if it looks yummy so they can order something similar right?
In fact, I would probably do the same myself. Just maybe… Not so OBVIOUSLY. Like I’ve never eaten in my life.
This lady…. She was like a SNAKE of some sort. She LITERALLY slithered closer to each table as she was walking past and made an obvious SHOW that she was peering at the food that was there.
I wanted to kick up a fuss and say something about it SO BADLY.
“NEVER SEE FOOD BEFORE ISSIT!!”
“HELLO YOUR EYES SO BIG HUH?”
Deep breaths Jessica…
Now while I know that I am snapping a lot more than I used to, I know that it’s not healthy either… The constant anger and rage that I’m feeling can’t possibly be okay.
Lord knows I’m not about to blame my new emotional outlook on the baby, but I’m starting to think that it really COULD be because I should just stay at home secluded from everybody until he’s out or something…
A few weeks ago, I was talking to the husband about having a nesting instinct.
Nesting instinct refers to an instinct or urge in pregnant animals to prepare a home for the upcoming newborn(s)
And not because we happened to post a lovely update on what we were doing with the baby’s room and getting his things ready, but because I am generally quite OCD (obsessive compulsive) when it comes to cleanliness and having things in order.
I was genuinely wondering whether you could consider the fact that I wanted to have the room cleaned up and everything in its place a month before baby was due to arrive, to be the so-called “nesting instinct”.
We agreed it wasn’t. I’m just anal about getting things done. BUT ANYWAY….
I was reading up on it because I happened to remember some documentary in my youth about how animals have a change in their behaviour when they are really close to the time of giving birth too..:
“Once the cat is ready to give birth and labor is about to begin, you may notice some behavioral changes such as restlessness, pacing, panting, nesting behavior, and being unfriendly toward strangers and other cats or animals. These behavioral changes are considered part of prelabor, the period right before labor and delivery.”
And that being said, that sounds so much like what is happening to me right now, that you’re probably safer off putting me away in quarantine than letting me out to unleash my terrible temper on the poor souls that cross my path.
My sudden lack of a sense of humour and any tolerance of “jokes”, whether made pointedly (in my opinion) to target something about the way I do things, or not, has really made it very difficult for me tolerate the presence of people around me.
For example, my Aunty asked my husband about the top knot that he has been sporting for close to half a year now saying “Lucky I’m not your boss, I wouldn’t be happy with the way you’re wearing your hair. Ha, Ha!”
WAH I WAS FUMING LOR. The fact I could hold my tongue…
- STATEMENT: Do you have a spare room? So many presents from the government, you’re going to need it. I bet you’re damn happy!
RESPONSE: What ?! You think I’m damn hard up for freebies ah?
- Context: I tend to tell people that I’m due “any moment now” to avoid questions on when baby is due. When you’ve been telling people that you’re due in January for the last 9 months, publishing a blog that’s counting down the days to your delivery AND posting picture updates in Facebook, the least they can do is to remember when the general period of when the baby is coming out…
STATEMENT: Haha! Don’t say that ah! Later baby really come out now!
RESPONSE: YOU WANT ME TO GIVE BIRTH IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE?!
Okay. Don’t get me started.. I’m getting mad just trying to think up of all the ridiculous things that people have said to me…
In my defense, it’s not like I haven’t already been saying that I really and truly want to start winding down to just get myself mentally prepared for what’s going to happen when the bub comes. A few days at home without stupid people around me could really work wonders for the situation which I can foresee as only frazzling to my nerves.
I mean. Taking care of a newborn is a totally alien concept and experience for me and the hubs, and I don’t take well to change. I’m going to need all the calm and quiet that I can get before that happens..
But it struck me that if I was going to be so protective (see: lashing out and intolerant) now even before the bub was out, then what kind of mother am I going to be when he is?
I truly hope that I’m not the kind of parent who coddles her child and doesn’t allow him/(or future) her to experience all the bullshit and crap that the world has to give. There are so many different types of people in the world and I pray that my bubs have the chance to experience as many different people from all walks of culture, educational background and whatever have you that he/she can possible experience.
WITHOUT my interference.
In all that, I can’t even begin to explain to you how badly I’m hoping that my babies have quick wit and a sharp tongue to recognize and address silly queries and stupid statements, but at the same time, the patience and compassion to know how to answer back people who are (in my words) intolerable with kindness and without judgement…
I’m a horrible role model 😦
That being said, I know that as their parent, I’d be the first up to be put against their quick wit and sharp tongues, and that is the burden of my yoke. However, it’s my most sincere hope that I’ll be able to reign in my “OMG” and *facepalm* moments to a minimum and step up to teach them the right things.
Respect and honour to their elders and again, kindness and compassion to the people who simply just don’t seem to know better, and above all, patience when people are exasperating, including myself IF (and hopefully it forever remains an “if” and not “when”) I become and overbearing and naggy mother.
But back to the present, it’s obviously not good for me to be this angsty all the time and for that reason, I am so glad that I have my hubs by my side. He is undoubtedly the more collected and cool-headed of the two of us and has had his brunt of dealing with the mad hormonal psycopath-y that is me for the last 1-2 weeks.
That being said, wish us luck as we hit the home stretch.
It’s 3 days to the New Year and afterwhich we can truly start counting down the days til the bub is really here and the adventure truly begins…
More Anticipation than Ever,