Weight: 72.4kg – Can’t seem to put on any more. I hope that means that baby is getting all the food that I’m putting in my mouth…
Feeling: Renewed, yet apprehensive. Mustering up all the optimism I can for the last leg!
I’ll be honest, I started writing this post a few days ago and I was feeling an absolute high. I should kinda be feeling high-er since we got some great news from the Gynae yesterday which entirely contradicted all the bad vibes I got from him at the last appointment, but for some reason I’m feeling absolutely down in the dumps today and cranky as hell.
I’ll try my best to keep the tone of today’s post a little light-hearted, but just in case I suddenly explode with some unwarranted ranti-ness, know where that’s coming from, aye?
So we had our mid-week doctor’s visit yesterday and I swear that the doc must read the blog or something. Every time I say something remotely negative about him, it seems like the words that come out of his mouth at the next visit seem to do a bit of an about-face.
But getting into the story proper, because of the fact that we’re seeing him so often now our visits with him are super short. They are barely 5 minutes long in the doctor’s room in comparison to running the CTG monitor for baby’s heartbeat and contractions for 20 minutes.
I’m basically lying on a counter top watching bad HBO and/or playing candy crush while I’m strapped to 2 circular rate monitors that are reading into my belly.
Side-tracking a bit, I’m a bit bitter about the CTG machine. It costs $40 for the 20 minute usage. Bloody $2 per minute monitoring, bloody $%^&*(.
Moving on, for some reason this week’s visit gave us the news that the doc thinks that (again) nothing looks out of the blue, baby looks like he’s set to stay inside for another 3-4 more days with no issue. And while that’s good news because that means we’ll be looking at an on-schedule baby, which in turn means that baby has a longer gestational period to gain weight, we had kinda steeled ourselves for worser stuff.
I mean given that the doc was looking at induction and the like, we were really hoping that we wouldn’t have to think about pulling baby out ahead or schedule and everything so we were very surprised when he took the time to go a little bit more in-depth to what the little squiggles on the CTG scan meant and he was rather patient with us saying that if something was going to happen, then the CTG scan would be the most accurate way to tell.
While a good initiative to get some mummies aware of what’s going on with baby inside, counting baby’s movements might not be a very accurate or safe method to rely on in terms of determining if baby is doing ok. (See: Count the Kicks)
In fact, by the time that baby stops moving, things might be a bit late.
While the CTG scan isn’t fail-safe either, the doc explained a sick baby would show signs like a weakening or slowing heartbeat – and we see none of that here so at least for the next few days, that looks like things are going to be alright!
To the doctor’s credit, he continued to cover his ass by following up “everything looks ok for the next few days” with “but you should really think about how long you really want baby to stay in.”
It was then that it really hit home that our EDD of 12 Jan is MADLY close. Let’s talk about 4 days?! So what were we going to do in the pretty likely scenario that baby decides not to come out in a week’s time?
*insert Jeopardy thinking music*
But let’s not worry about decisions of that gravity yet.
The doc basically says that, if you want to keep baby in longer, there are some risks, so we’ll just sign a form and see how things go la. But you have to be aware that things may happen if you decide to keep baby in for too long hor!
And I mentioned that we steeled ourselves for the in-your-face bluntness right? The hubs kinda shot back that “Yeah it’s kind of like an indemnity form right?”
To which the doc gave a half-hearted laugh and a shrug of his shoulders.
It is his job to outline the risks after all, and I have decided to stop faulting him for telling us the truth so that we can be prepared.
So it looks like we have a lot of things to think about from now til our next appointment this coming Saturday…
But before we get to that..
As we get nearer and nearer to the delivery and especially with all the recent tough decisions that we’ve been put to deliberate on (regarding what to do with the birth of the bub), I’ve had the chance to reflect a lot on our journey so far and I’ve come to realise that it’s truly not an easy journey to bring a baby into the world.
Yeah, THAT took me a while huh?
Given all the friends that I’ve made through the mummies group and finding out about their birth and conception stories, it’s really made me want to stop and take stock of how good God’s provision is for us.
Wanting to be a parent (to us) was and is a big deal and something we decided early in our relationship that we would definitely want for ourselves as we developed our relationship.
What greater joy than to bring a child into the world that is parented by the person that you love and to raise a child that is in the likeness of that person?
Kids were inevitable.
When we first found out that we had conceived, we were incredulous and questioning ourselves whether it was a blessing or not to have been able to expect our little bundle of joy so easily. We were definitely NOT ready for things to happen so quickly despite having made the decision to start trying.
In a certain way, we were proud that we things happened so easily, the virility and “quality” of our loins to be able to PRODUCE. And between the both of us, we were saying that it must have been God’s plan all along for us to be parents – He might have been just WAITING for us to green light His divine plans in order to bless us.
Increasingly, we are glad for the fact that we’ve not miscarried (CHOY) nor have had some difficulties with trying to get pregnant. As some of our friends have had that difficulty, we know just how painful it is to want something and try so hard to make things happen, but to be denied. In that sense, we are not only blessed with our baby but also spared the lot of emotional turmoil which comes with the territory of dealing with the difficulty of conception
But although we might have been blessed by God with an easy conception, the pregnancy journey has been and still is something entirely ELSE.
It’s a true JOURNEY, full of ups and downs and challenges and milestones that show you just how much you need a good support network and a Sovereign God to preside over whatever happens…
And as I’ve detailed over the weeks, the trials that God has set to us in nurturing this unborn child have been nothing short but emotionally and physically trying. Not the same as other scenarios I’ve detailed earlier, but not any less of a struggle to deal with.
With that, I can’t even begin to say how grateful I am for the friends that I’ve had around me who’ve been offering supportive and non-commandeering comments and advice. The internet has been the most helpful of the lot and last but not least, the husband who has had to suffer through all the temper tantrums and break-downs that were inevitable throughout dealing with the lows of the whole pregnancy.
TRUST ME – it’s not easy to deal with a hormonal and one minute cranky, next minute weepy, and then the next something else woman, whether or not she’s your wife or not!
All the better to groom the hubs and I into better people perhaps? There’s no doubt that we’ve become a little more in tune with each other throughout the journey, and if the screaming and fights and arguments on top of tender-loving moments won’t do it, the 2 weeks of paternity where he is going to be home with me 24/7 suffering to adapt with a newborn in the house will..
But now, I think that it’s really important to NOT think of things. I’m encouraged again that because it was in God’s plan to bless us with a bub, that things will carry out just the way He wants things to happen for us.
We just need to be still and wait upon His desire.
A friend of mine, posted this lovely verse from the Bible for me as an encouragement and reminder to leave things to God and His divine plans and I found it so apt. Not just in terms of the pregnancy, but also in whatever there is to come further along this journey of parenthood.
“Let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing”
So that being said, whenever baby DOES decide to arrive, we’ll need to find a bit of time to really just sit down and enjoy each other’s company, for the little time left that it will be just the 2 of us.
And try not to think about the what-ifs of when Baby arrives, whether on time or not.
Taking things as they come,