Feeling: a bit monotonous.. and reclusive
So I’ve come to the realization that even though I just posted that we’re getting the hang of things and how it’s become easier to manage around the house, it’s kinda not…
The last few days as my hubs goes back to work and even on the weekends, I realise that it just takes such a small event such as a growth spurt or a bit of wind in the tummy to throw the whole schedule out of whack.
I know that I can’t control my child nor set restrictions for him but Lord knows I’m at a loss of what to do when I see the hubs feeling dizzy and sick from the lack of sleep and juggling work. I also think that for some reason, (probably because I read this somewhere) that because I’m his sole source of food, baby smells me and thinks of me as food and ONLY food.
Which means that he’ll get hungry whenever he gets near me.
And what happens when babies are hungry?
So that means I can do the one thing that other people can’t (feed the baby) but pretty much, not anything else. For lest the bub starts wailing, then nobody will get any rest..
(Hey, it rhymes! Sort of..)
Anyway, that means my mum has been carrying the baby and rocking him to sleep and I make myself scarce and get some typing done or catch up on the other things I need to do. Eg: pee, poop., drink, eat.
And did I mention that the bub eats roughly every 2 hours or less? So that means there’s not much time to do anything else but feed the baby.
I mean it’s not ALL eating and naps for the little bub. Sometimes he pees and poops too. We’ve been having the most fun with his fountain showers recently.. *sarcasm fully intended*
Now I’m not complaining about this here, although it may sound like it. I actually embrace the dirtiness and grime and rushing around to please his every whim. Even the sleepless nights I’m not really complaining about. My true gripe about all of this is that I’m already comfortable with all of it BUT I’m deathly afraid of what will happen when my mum leaves me alone 😦
It’s not just the convenience of having an extra pair of hands, and it’s not just having someone be around to help with things when your own hands are full. It’s not just the absolutely scrum-diddly-umptious, home-cooked food that not only I but the hubs also has been able to enjoy both for lunch and dinner, and it’s not just that she’s my mum and my bub’s grandson.
As much as it’s been difficult living in the same house as my mum again after having stayed with my hubs (and his family for most part) for almost 6-7 years already, it’s nice to be living in the same house with family.
I dunno if it’s the bond that we’ve had the last few days, despite (again) my screaming and shouting and general emotional roller coaster psychotic-ness, or maybe it’s my fear of being on my own, but I asked her if she wanted to stay with us even after the confinement period is up….
It’s not going to be a permanent solution of course. I would love to be independent in time to take care of the bub and juggle the work I need to do and the clients that I need to see. But I’m not going to be able to do that off that bat; that’s all in a perfect world right?
And worse yet, we haven’t even started thinking about the scenarios where we REALLY need to go out. Like for extended periods of time to like see people and buy things and run errands.
The short jaunt we made to pick up a goody bag was rather traumatic for me (feeding in the car if you don’t remember) so I really don’t know what I’m thinking….
I mean for now, the routine is always the same. I know what time we need to do this and that and what time I need to wake up in order to make sure that I have enough time to feed the baby and get myself changed. I also need to feed the bub before husband comes home so we can eat in between that and the next feeding while the hubs brings the dog down, after which he takes over the nighttime routine which includes bathing baby and reading him a story and… *takes a breath* You get the idea right?
As it is, I’m relieved as hell that we aren’t doing Chinese New Year this year on account of confinement. I can just imagine the logistical nightmare.
The diapers and the backside balm, a changing mat and a change of clothes, and maybe another change of clothes just in case… and a ring sling and a swaddle in case baby is cold and breast pads and etc. We’re lucky enough as it is that my boobs are the baby’s food. I have no idea how I would survive if I had to lug out a breast pump AND bottles on top of everything! Thank God the hubs carries everything…
And I’m actually more worried about finding a place to nurse in more than I’m worried about overzealous Aunties and Uncles coming to question me on his every little input and output.
There are ladies on the breastfeeding forum who’ve started up a discussion on how to nicely ask relatives whether they can borrow a room to bring their boobies out or whether people mind them nursing under a cover. Long story short, the ladies are calling the car their last resort if their bub is wailing their heads of and there isn’t a room in sight…
Yessiree, I’m glad I don’t have to explain to them why I’ve chosen to bottle feed or this and that instead of other methods. And heaven forbid some innocent little cherub of a niece or nephew ask what I’m doing under a poncho. I can’t jolly well tell the kiddies that I’m breastfeeding can I? Or can I…..
But moving forward, I need to stop thinking of all the problems that are POTENTIALLY on the horizon. For all I know, things could go great and the bub could be a wonderful go-out baby! I hope!
Then I stumbled on this fantastic article that showed up Facebook today while in the midst of my fretting and fussing. It’s about how the whole new mom vibe will change and things WILL get better. I browsed through it in the wee hours of the morning when I was up and the baby was due for a feed. I read through it again and thought about how APT it was to my post today:-
But it does get better.
It gets better, because you get better. Each phase of parenting feels overwhelming at first. You think “how am I going to do this?” on good days, and “why did I want kids?” on bad days. But then, little by little, you find your groove or a trick that works. You learn how she likes to be soothed, that she likes her sandwiches in triangles instead of rectangles, that she’ll open up and tell you what’s on her mind in the 15 minutes before bedtime every night.
And it gets better, because you realize you’re not alone in your struggles. Every mom who’s gone before you and every mom who’s standing next to you has felt what you feel. We are all bone tired; even the ones who look so put together. We are all terrified of getting it wrong; even the ones who make getting it right look effortless. And once you realize this, it gets better because a burden shared is a burden lightened.
There is no part of parenting that is easy. It starts at overwhelmingly difficult, and only ratchets up from there. But you learn that “hard” is not synonymous with “bad.” And you learn to embrace the paradox of a job that gets harder the better you are at it.
It’s probably not the most comforting thing to hear when you’re just starting out on this journey of parenting.(…) But while it may not get any easier, trust me – it’s going to keep getting better.
And that pretty much sums it all up.
I mean at the end of the day, not every day is going to be perfect so I have to be prepared that the bad days are just part and parcel of the whole parent experience. I’ve just gotta close my eyes and say a quick prayer that we won’t suffer too regularly haha!
In anticipation and apprehension,