A parent’s worst fear

Feeling: Worried and Anxious and rightly so.

Today I post a very late post because the bub was sick yesterday. I actually outlined the blog post while nursing (literally) my baby boy back to health. That being said, please note that there will be descriptive passages about how wonderful the stuff in my bub’s nose is here.

Don’t say I never warn you.

So warning issued, keep reading friends.

i regret nothing

And through it all, it was revealed to me just how much I’m invested in the growth of my little bub, every little hair on his head and all

A while back, the bub started sniffling and apparently, little babies don’t know how to blow their noses. So all that glorious stuff that germs make in your nose when you’ve got a cold is stuck up in there.

You really feel helpless that you can’t help the bub any more than wiping his nose or digging a little at the mucus that dribbles out while your bub fusses because he can’t quite breathe properly.

Then, you consider the unthinkable – sucking all the gross stuff out. With your mouth.

A lot of my friends recommended purchasing a Nosefrida, which is basically a long tube like thing, attached to a pencil thing with an opening at the end. Objective? Suck all the boogers out! There’s a filter to prevent you from sucking snot directly into your mouth, but the idea is there.

And if you are cringing at the thought of having to deal with another person’s bodily fluids (even though that person was technically CREATED from your bodily fluids…), well, it really isn’t all that bad when you think about it.

For YOU, that is.

it's not that bad

There’s a lot of screaming at first when the bub has no idea what the hell you’re doing with this tube thingy going up his nose, (And in truth it goes in a mere cm or less only) but it sure is uncomfortable as hell for him.

SIGH.

But it all work out when all the nasty boogers are out and he can breathe freely again. And I dare say that now he’s a bit more used to the tube-y thing, the yells and shrieks aren’t quite as loud as the first time we used it. Yay. I think.

And you know what? That isn’t even the worst of it all.

Every time he has a fart or a burp or some other body function which would’ve been horrendously disgusting should an adult have performed it, has been met with applause and congratulations and absolute captivation by the bub’s obsessed parents – us.

Hell, the mummies group chat on Whatsapp has taken to posting pictures of dirty diapers and the like in our attempt to help each other diagnose whether it’s normal or not for things to be this colour, or this little, or this much!

I mean, if we aren’t going to scrutinize his every poop and pee and whether he’s got gas in tummy or spots on his skin, whether a mosquito bite or a rash or some pimple-y thing, then who will right?

Somebody has to make sure that the helpless, wriggly, little bub is doing okay right?

is you ok

But back to him being sick now…

It was a little more than the sniffles because when I was feeding him, I was shocked to find him a little warmer than normal. In my worry, I took his temperature and found it hitting the high 37s and panicked. If you thought you knew what it was like to be frantic…..

It was Googling and sponging and messaging the mummies’ group for advice and then acting on it, making sure that bubby was ok. And after the advice, the sponging, extra feedings to make sure the bubby gets more fluids and despite the squeals of protests, the thermometer being put into little bubby’s ear and the like…

If you think that every day life is already at a baby’s beck and call, think again! When you have to deal with a sick bubby who truly NEEDS your attention besides food and swapping out dirty nappies, the game totally changes because you’ve thrown worry into the mix.

Through it all, the bubby was a champ. He was still cooing and gurgling and napping well after each wipe down so much so I swear he was actually easier to handle when sick than in his normal frame of mind.

CHOY AND TOUCH WOOD.

don't jinx

But it really made me think, when the little one is in the throes of an illness like this, when I’m worried to the bone about what will happen, whether there would be any lasting effects of the sickness and how your baby is suffering and you can’t do anything about it… Yes I may be over-thinking, but I wanted to prepare myself for the possibility that things may take a turn for the worse so that I can be ready to take the necessary steps, however low that possibility probably was.

And thinking about what might happen, I let myself have a moment of self-pity as I looked at my bub’s happy gurgling and cooing face and worried about the worse if the fever progressed.

Hell, there are too many stories about little babies not being able to fight off the tiniest cough or cold or dying from pneumonia which started as a fever and the like…

I do have to side tracking here and state for the record that the internet says apparently fever CANNOT cause brain damage. Article here.

Despite what you may have heard, fever will not injure your child’s brain.

“In and of itself, fever does not cause any harm,” says Gaines. Even the febrile seizures that some children have in response to fever have never been shown to be damaging (nor can they be prevented by anti-fever medications).

When you’re rocking your hot baby in your arms and the anxiety starts to creep in, try to remember that fever is actually a sign of health. And don’t worry, your baby’s fever won’t climb indefinitely. Under normal circumstances, the body automatically begins to cool off at 106 degrees.

Well, that’s just what the internet says. No mum in her right mind would take the risk anyway because this is so much more than old wives’ tales and more like historical evidence that it has happened in babies before.

don't lie to me

But moving on, I was saying I let myself have that moment of extreme worry and I thought about every little moment up to that point which we spent together as a mother and child, and not that I want to talk about such dire (and worse) situations but in my thinking, I remembered a very courageous blog post that I read a while back about a lady who gathered the courage to pen down her thoughts about her miscarriage.

One of the hardest part is that we are now somewhat experts on car seats, milk bottles, cloth diapers, baby wearing, breast pumps and we have a schedule of when all the baby fairs are throughout 2015 and now we can’t even put any of the knowledge to use.

There are worse statements in the article which, gawd, even by reading that statement makes me feel so sad and hyper-sensitive. What if this really happened to me….

And just a week ago, another friend of mine confided to me about the still birth of what would have been her 2nd child, a daughter. She brought her baby almost to term but lost the baby because the umbilical had wrapped around the baby….

There are no words for how that would feel. And not that those situations are worth any less, but when you’ve delivered the baby and have had a chance to meet your child, and if something happens, isn’t that worse?

Cursed with an over-active imagination which runs away with itself is not a good thing. AT ALL. Talk about over-thinking huh?

stop this

But of course, as with all my blog posts of recent, I know that there’s a lesson to learn behind all that’s happened this week and I know that I’ve got to let God take over all the anxiety in my heart.

After all, He’s the one who has blessed us with a child to begin with and however our journey goes with our little bub, I can only put my trust and faith in Him that He has a plan for whatever comes.

So it’s just a matter of holding His peace in my heart that passes all understanding and knowing that He will take care of us.

25“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your lifee ?

Matthew 6: 25 – 27

Trusting in His love over all of us,
Jess

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