Feeling: wanted and needed
The bub is 2 months old yesterday and I was hit by a big wave of emotion about all we’ve been through so far. This is what I captioned the customary Facebook post:
Today you are 2 months old.
In such a short time, you’ve turned our lives upside down, changed our schedules, snuck into our bed and into our hearts.
There’s so much more that we’re going to explore together, my son. And we’re only looking forward to every minute of it.
And especially after the week of him being cranky and sick and really running us ragged, I think I’ve had a change of heart.
I have decided and realised, that I truly love having to take care of him, and for some insane and crazy reason, I relish him crying out for me and searching for me to comfort him.
That actually makes me sound like some sadistic person doesn’t it?
But what I mean is that it’s such a responsibility to take care of a whole ‘nother human being. When he’s just so helpless and he can’t do anything except to ask for help. When he spits up, or his diaper is full or anything else for that matter… He relies on me to take care of him and if I don’t, then who will?
What’s weird is that there are lots of times when it seems like he’s calling me for no reason. The diaper is clean, his tummy is full and he’s been burped and stroked, and he doesn’t seem to want to lie down at all. It seems like a huge bout of being fussy that he just wants to be picked up and cuddled and there really isn’t anything else that we can do to placate him.
If we put him down, the wails just get louder 😦
But I figure now, that all he wants is mummy or daddy to hold him close and give him warmth and to know that we’re near by.
It makes me a little sad sometimes because I work from home. I can’t quite recall whether I’ve said this already, but because I work from home, I feel like I’m short-changing the bub.
What I really want is to lie down with him in bed, sing him songs and read him books, stare into his eyes and swipe the hair off his forehead to one side, the whole. Day. Long.
But I can’t.
It might seem like I’m with him all day long, but the truth is that I do work (or blog) while he sits there and looks at me. And when he cries, I (admittedly) get frustrated because I have to stop work to take care of him.
I’m horrible, aren’t I 😦
I want him to grow up independent! I want him to be okay to spend a bit of time alone and amuse himself. I’m sure that he’ll be okay in his bouncer if I go and wash my hands right, and to just give mummy 5 minutes alone sometimes, please?
After all, I’m not going to run away from him, never in a million years!
Anyway as I was saying, I (obviously) want to be there for him! To protect him from being sicky sick. To wipe his mouth when he drools, to rub his knees when he’s got bruises, to hold his hand and kiss his forehead and be there for every step and new frontier that he explores.
But what happens if I do get the chance to coddle him. Will he turn out to be a mama’s boy? (And not in the good way either…)
I walked past a childcare / kindy today and it just so happened that this little boy was screaming at the top of his lungs and disturbing the class that he wanted to go home. The teacher was telling him to just sit through the lesson and follow things through, but to me it got the wheels turning. Why didn’t the teacher just call up the parents and send the kid home since that’s what he wanted.
And what if my bub went to school and he wanted to come home? What would I do?
The older generation handled things a little differently from the way things are handled now. Lots of tough loving I think. Lots of scolding (the child) if the teacher even hinted at bad behaviour in the class. And now…
I don’t want my child to grow up coddled at all!
He’s got to make his bed and lie in it, my hubs will say, and I agree whole-heartedly that our children need to know that their actions have consequences and the onus doesn’t fall on others to make their dreams come true.
These days, the kids just have this feeling of ENTITLEMENT that’s putting the end to hard work and creating a society that relies on the back of others.
We definitely don’t want to be a person like that, and even more so for our child to be even perceived to be doing anything along those lines. So perhaps that means tough loving from us? And in a way, we all turned out okay with our parents’ tough loving too, didn’t we?
And like I said, I don’t deny that when I’m on the toilet or in the middle of doing some research and work on the computer or even if I’ve finally sat down after being able to put him down in his bouncer that I get a LITTLE bit irked when he calls for me straight away the minute I’m out of sight.
I’m all for independence remember?
There’s a lot of articles around about letting your bub cry it out and eventually they’ll figure that they have to develop the skill of self-soothing because mummy and daddy can’t be there all the time.
Ugh, what a heavy burden to put on one so young.
Side track #1 – sucking thumbs is a way of self-soothing and our bub has started doing that. It’s supposed to be a pretty good thing that he’s figured it out, but it’s such a bad habit! More on this another time.
Side track #2 – we are trying our best to NOT do a cry it out because studies show that the kid might have abandonment issues in the future. Hell, I think we’re too soft to let him cry it out.
But hey, the little guy needs me.
Back to the app that I was talking about in the last post.
I was talking about how the babies have these phases where they are learning about the world and this neediness… It’s just a phase because our little bubby doesn’t know what’s going on with his body and he needs a rock, a stability in his life to anchor to. I should be proud and downright humbled by the fact that person is me (or my hubs)
And I am!
In any case, how long is he going to be this helpless and needful of my attention anyway.
I read somewhere on an article that had this beautiful comment – this lady just put it so aptly. It’s not a real quote-unquote, but you’ll get the drift:
One day, our children are going to want to sleep in their own beds and they won’t want our kisses and hugs; they’ll want their own privacy and they won’t need us to look after them as much. Until then, why not enjoy every minute of their neediness? You’ll never know when they’ll grow out of it.
That being said, I’m off to quell the wailing baby who has just woken from his nap, and I’m going to enjoy every minute of it, so help me…
My baby’s cries are music to my ears,