To work or not to work…

Feeling: When will I ever have a bit of time to myself again…

I’m just not too sure about what to write about today. It’s just been such a mad week that right now, I’d be happy for a hole to just curl up in for a moment and be alone.

We’ve been running around just doing errands and going to meet people and I’ve actually gone to see a client with the bub, not in my own home!

Talk about achievement unlocked!

Fist-pump

As it is, the bub follows me wherever I go now.

To meetings and to eatings. To the post office and to the wet market. For hours on end and perhaps the whole afternoon, to short little jaunts of about 15 minutes just to the community centre (where the post office and bank is) and back.

Longest I’ve ever been without him is probably to take a dump or shower in the loo or when that (idiot) postman left a collection slip in the door while I was sitting in the living room.

Don’t people know how to knock?!!

*ahem*

But yes. I’ve not had very many moments without the bubby at all ever since he was born. Heck, we even started ordering tingkat delivery services for my lunch to limit the amount of time that I need to be walking out and outside the home.

All the better to stay home where the facilities are all available for taking care of the young ‘un right?

look after you

**Is it just me or is the way this gif is made make what the dude says a little creepy?

That being said, I’ve actually scheduled myself to be out and about WITHOUT the bub for the very first time in the first week of May.

The requirements for my job have drastically been increased this year and while it’s good for the industry, as a working mum, it means that I’ve got to take more time out of being at home with my son to attend the training and fulfill the required hours for my work.

I would love for there to be a work environment where children are welcomed and I thought that I’d found it. But I realise that it’s simply unprofessional for kids to be around you when you’re trying to do business.

Short of being in an industry which revolves around children of course.

I suppose that learning is good (haha) and I think that it’s important to keep up to date with the changes in the company, so I have to make up my mind and steel myself for this inevitable occasion that I have to leave the bub behind and make my way out into the big wide world without him.

Whatever shall I do.

what am i gonna do

It’s bad enough that even thinking about leaving him at home without me is a scary thought. I don’t think I could imagine being without him but by the looks of it, I’m just gonna have to.

Besides I said that eventually I’m going to need to learn how to leave the baby at home with someone else looking after him if not I’m never going to be able to have a moment to myself. What with mastering the bottle and everything, it takes time to get used to alternatives and replacements.  

And it seems that lately my circle of mama-friends are all on the same wave length regarding being a stay at home mummy.

It’s become a bit of a habit that we talk about how baby did this or that and I recently posted a video of the bub shaking a rattle, or was it about him cooing. There just seem to be so many videos of my baby these days 😀

Well, the point was that he us just simply growing so quickly and learning so many new things every day that it would be literally impossible for me to go back to work today seeing as how I would kill myself if I missed any of his “firsts” when I was gone.

kill myself

There’s an article that I just read today. It’s been trending on Facebook because of how close to home it’s been. While the “moral of the story” is a little skewed, the sentiment rings true about how far away we are from our kids because of the lack of connection there is with them during the week.

I feel that the message shouldn’t centre around giving helpers the day off though. Honestly, what difference is it going to make if you spend one day out of 7 with your kids. Shouldn’t parents be spending ALL their time with their kids? After all, there are only so many years of childhood. It would be devastating for all of that to fly by while we focus on making money and building a career.

Isn’t the most rewarding career in itself to be a parent?

What should really be happening, is the need for provisions for mothers to spend more time with their kids. We shouldn’t have to worry about going to work for the money when the trade-off is less time with our children.

But anyway, here’s the video. Judge for yourselves.

How apt isn’t it? And scary.

So again just to reiterate my point. If mothers had government support to stay at home with their kids, there wouldn’t be a need for maids and we wouldn’t have this whole disconnect would we?

We should be at home taking care of them, nurturing, teaching them, playing with them and everything else with them ourselves. Outsourcing a child’s caregiver is just….

What would it take for there to be more financial support given to mothers so that they can stay at home with their kids? More maternity leave (and paternal leave for that matter)? Perhaps companies would chip in a bit more to their employees?

ARGH! Don’t get me started. I’m going to start talking about how expensive it is to give birth in Singapore again. As if the government would make it cheaper to deliver a child here…

Fat chance of that happening…

not gonna happen

MOVING ON…

I want to be the one who stays at home and witnesses all of his “firsts”. The first time he walks and he crawls and he laughs at a joke and all of it. So many first times of everything for him and going back to work and leaving him in the hands of someone else is just.. Unimaginable.

But until something is done to make it possible for us not to worry about money and making a living for our children (perhaps free education?), I’ll just have to make do with the circumstances and learn to leave the baby alone and in the hands of someone other than myself.

And since practice makes perfect, we’re going to start small and work up to longer and longer hours.

you better work

The husband is gonna give it a go. We’ll arrange for me to have a nice back rub or rather back-torture session – to work out the kinks from carrying heavy baby in belly and out of for so long, and just to give me 2 hours of pampering.

I’ll pump a bottle full of fresh milk for the bub and wave goodbye and step out of the house without him.

If all goes well, the next step is to then let my mum take the bub while the hubs and I go out on a date. Again I’ll leave a bottle full of milk and the hubs will try his best to entertain me and keep both our minds off the wee one at home with me mum.

Thereafter, I SHOULD be able to leave him at home during the day with my mum while I head off for training.

We shall just have to see how it goes…

wait and see

All that said, let’s tackle things one at a time. And not think about leaving him alone just yet.

Better learn to be more detached now or he might start becoming too dependent on me too… If I can’t even bring myself to leave him as it is, then I might as well be chained to him forever and ever right? So baby steps!

Imagine the day when we need to see him off to school for the day… I have a feeling I’ll cry my eyes out.

Date nights ahead?
Jess

 

 

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