Feeling: Like there’s still a long way to go…
Today’s topic is going to be a hard one. About making decisions and choices for your bub and I’ll be talking about sensitive issues such as religion and school choices and what my child wants to be. It kinda stems from my last post when I said something along the lines of how much support do I really need to give my child.
In particular, I’m talking a lot about the way I was brought up and the expectations I have for myself and the bub so if you don’t think you can stomach the content without saying something accusatory or insensitive, please just don’t read on. I don’t think I could take any more “terrible comments” after the fiasco a week ago 😛
SO… We’ve been talking about how much should I interfere, well guess what, I’m going to do the most interfering I will ever do in my child’s life by sending him to the church as a baptism candidate this weekend.
He will be drizzled with water blessed by the vicar of our church and claimed for our Lord Jesus Christ.
And if there’s one thing that I will stand up for, it’s the saving our my child’s immortal soul. But at the same time when we are deciding his spiritual future, I think to myself that there really are so many other things which I will probably have to decide on behalf of my child in the future too.
What school to go to, what hobbies to have, what classes and enrichment programs to attend, church and holiday camps, play dates, what toys to have, what clothes to wear even.
The whole schedule of his life for the next 6 years are in my hands and at the very minimum at least 2 years of his bowel movements and eating habits are going to be handled by me and the hubs anyway.
It’s going to be quite a while before the little bub can start talking back and expressing full-blown displeasure so I’ve really just been thinking to myself about the enormity of me making all these decisions on his behalf.
I have these obnoxious friends who talk or more accurately berate parents who choose to baptise their kids because that’s just throwing your kid into a situation that they may or may not like. Like say a few years into the future, what if he doesn’t want to become a Christian, or if he didn’t want to learn how to play the violin, what if he wants to learn how to code instead of being sent for rugby or swimming practice?
Just because the kid can’t say anything, doesn’t mean that you should go ahead and make him do things anyway right?
But isn’t it up to the parent to make sure that a child gets the best start in life?
I never really thought about it that way, but it’s truly because the parents wants their child to be exposed to as many opportunities as possible, to be schooled in different subjects until they are fluent which is why the kids are sent to tuition class after tuition class and all sorts of other activities that seem to make a child’s life so busy.
Does a child really need all of that?
Now that I’m reading what I write, I vaguely remember the sacrifices that a parent makes in order to do so though. And the truth of the matter is that it really isn’t all that simple to just throw your child into all these different classes and pack their schedules just because you want to.
Talk about my childhood, my mum raised my brother and I as a single mum and by the time we figured out what we wanted to do with our spare time, we went to piano classes, badminton practices and all sorts of things because we wanted to.
And my mum obliged. As best as she could, she ferried us to and fro when she had time off from work and even when she didn’t. She paid for those classes that we wanted to take and then some when you needed equipment in order to participate.
*sniff* Such is a mother’s love.
There is this one particular story that I remember her telling me about. When it came to swimming classes I actually learnt how to swim when I was about 2 and there was an opportunity for me to go into intensive training for competitive swimming. That meant training and LOTS of it.
I never ended up a swimmer though. Somehow, my mum decided that it was way too early for a little girl of 6 to be waking up PLUS she didn’t want to throw me into the cold swimming pool at 6am in the morning.
I distinctly remember trying to be an overachiever when I was in primary school too.
I tried to join every single club I could. One sport, one academic, one art or something like that. Tennis, Gymnastics, Computer Club and I can’t remember what the last one was, Girls’ Brigade or Choir or something… But if you know how much work you need to put into having one extra curricular activity (now CO-curricular activity), then you’d know what kind of trouble I was getting myself into.
PLUS the fact that I’m an overthinker and a sort of perfectionist. It was mad trying to keep that kind of schedule for the year and in the end I think I was actually approached by a teacher to give one of the clubs up.
I guess there are decisions that we have to make in order to save not only our child’s but our own sanity too hey? Haha!
Come to think of it, at this point my mum was pretty chill and let me make my own decisions when it came to what I wanted to do with my time. She would just attend the necessary parent meetings and get someone to pick me up. She trusted that I would make the right choices.
Let’s not talk about the choices I made in my teens though. There are some indecent fashion decisions that I would really rather not recall *ahem* JNCO Jean *ahem* Sports bras and black pants *ahem* (that’s enough for today)
So I suppose that now when it comes to me playing the mum, I’m going to have to find the peace and serenity within myself to know that while I control (and probably will relish the control of) a lot of things now, that eventually I will have to relinquish control over the bub and let him make his own decisions whether good or bad.
It’s a big step and honestly very early for me to be thinking of leaving the bub to his own devices but something that I feel is important for me to state right out now that I need to do.
Again, I don’t want to be one of those overprotective mums that coddle and dictate every little bit of her child’s life.
In any case, all I can do is pray that he does make those right decisions and even if he doesn’t, I know that all I need to do is make sure that I show him I love him through it all. To softly correct him and show him back to the righteous path.
While the control is still in my hands, I know I need to make sure that I think carefully and properly when I make decisions for the little bub and starting with bringing him up as a God-fearing child. I know that his walk with the Lord will definitely give him an additional lifeline in times when he finds that his earthly parents are being a bit too much to bear.
And until then, I’ll be praying for guidance that the journey together will go as smoothly as it can! After all, it’s about walking together through it all no matter what.
Hand in hand,