Feeling: Like I never want to walk out of the house without you again
So I took an impromptu break off writing last Friday because we were having a bit of a hectic weekend. We were finally able to do the weekend of doing nothing. As scheduled.
Seems quite ridiculous to have to schedule in some time to do nothing right? But in the lives of the sociable adults who have kids, that’s precisely what you have to do – put an appointment in your calendar to do nothing with yourself. Veg out in front of the television and not have to go out.
Even then, we had a fair amount of things to do at home. We’re planning to do a flea market soon so we had a nice little mini fashion show. Putting on all of our old clothes on to see what still fit. Or rather what didn’t fit anymore. Because there’s a lot more skinny people clothes that we’re hanging on to in the deluded fantasy that they will one day look good on us again…
Sigh. How the body doth change after pregnancy 😦
But moving on, what I really wanted to talk about today, was one of the reasons last week why I didn’t blog. On Friday, I OFFICIALLY left my bub at home (with my mum of course) and went out without him over a period of time that would make me miss one of his regular feeding times.
Normally, the bub would wake up around 9 after an 8.30am feed and the next time he would eat would be about 12 noon. But mummy had to go for a morning talk for the whole morning and can only come home after 1pm. So grandma had to step in and take care of the little one while mama goes out to fulfill some requirements for work.
So that meant that the little bub would have to (gasp!) drink milk from the bottle instead of fresh from the boob!
While that wasn’t new for the bub, it WOULD be the first time he would do so without mummy being on standby in case of any rejection.
He’s been much better with the bottle now that we feed him with it every other day, but there is still a very big chance that the bub will have a MOOD and just reject drinking from the bottle entirely for the time that I’m not home.
A friend of mine who reads my blog (Hi Els!) was talking about having just gone back to work and the struggles that she’s been having with her bub and getting him to drink while she wasn’t at home. 9 hours away from the bub and only 50ml of milk drank :((
And that’s not the only incidence I’ve heard from friends about this happening too. Babes struggling to take the bottle so badly that the parents are just constantly repeating the cycle of buying new bottles and nipples and testing the whole lot on their bub to see whether they will take the artificial boob or not.
All that money spent on equipment that is just REJECTED out right.
While the baby loves the grandparents, the feeling of drinking from something other that mum’s boobs apparently turns them off so much that they just. Switch off.
And the worst part? The bub misses mummy so much when she goes away that when she comes back, he latches on to eat like he’s been starved for a gajillion days. Heard from another mama that her baby felt so deprived of the nurturing and bonding during the day when she was away at work, that her bub made up for it by feeding every 2 hours in the dead of the night.
Gives “making up for lost time” a whole new meaning when it becomes like the baby has regressed right back to a newborn and nursing throughout the day every 2 hours doesn’t it.
The lack of sleep is NOT something that you welcome back even though it means that you’re giving your child the nutrition that he needs.
When I got back from my little morning out, I was coming up out of the lift and I heard the little bub screaming his head off. My mum had warned me that after the mid-morning 11am feed, the bub seemed to realise that there was something that was a little different. And he started wailing inconsolably!
It’s all credit to the resourcefulness of my mum that she was able to quickly pacify him (literally) and distract him from the fact that I wasn’t there and keep him entertained for the better part of an hour until about 1.30pm when he suddenly seemed to remember he was crying about something and resumed his wails with renewed vigour.
The minute I walked through the door and gathered the little babe in my arms, he seemed to recognize that mummy was home and he stopped crying immediately….
I can’t even describe to you what a rush of emotion and this total “I’m HOME” and “I LOVE YOU” feels there is right there.
But let’s not even talk about the bub missing mummy. Let’s talk about mummy missing baby.
I’ve heard of mums that just spend the day away from their kids just bawling away at their table. Wracked with worry and fear and anxiety about what could possibly happen when they’re not at their vigil.
I have to admit that when I was out for the day, I made it a point to send messages to my mum and ask for pictures, updates and near close to a by-minute playoff of what was going on at home in my absence. And not only that, but a micro-manager’s response to whatever news I got while I was at it.
I had to be reminded by the hubs that my mum will survive without me because I turned out so well *ahem* in the end and that she certainly could be trusted to and should be left alone to handle things on her own the way she can.
OR ELSE I really might turn into that coddling and over-protective mother that I told him I was scared of eventually becoming.
Okay, perhaps it’s not that serious. YET.
But it is an ever-real and true danger that because I’m OCD and a overthinker that there is a very strong likelihood of that over-protective mama in me rearing its ugly head. I have to remind myself every day to be a little bit more carefree with the bub and to let him grow as he needs to.
Unlike what I was saying in my previous posts about being careless with him physically, carefree is something entirely different now.
Being at home with the bub in and out for the last 4 months has really moulded me into the classic textbook version of a worrying mum – is he eating, am I doing this or not supposed to be doing that….. And at the end of the day, being away from the bub during the day if just for a few hours has made me think about the importance of needing a bit of time to myself.
Being out on my own, or even out with the hubs allows us to be more like adults, if at least for an hour or two. Leaving the bub with my mum means that we have a person whom we can trust with his care and we can enjoy ourselves without having to worry too much about the little baby.
Not to mention have a bit of husband and wife time aside from being just a papa and a mummy..
And so far, it looks like that while I’m the one worrying about what’s going on at home, the bub seems to be doing pretty fine on his own with her. Or at least besides the little bit of separation anxiety, he’s got the chance to learn how to be fine for a little while without mummy.
But while I can help it, that doesn’t mean that I’m going to take my time and start spending extended hours away from the baby either. So excuse me when I finish my classes and appointments and decide to splurge a little on myself by hailing a taxi so I can get home to the baby a little faster please 🙂
Rushing home to be with my bub,