Feeling: So much love for the little bub.
It actually wasn’t too busy of a week last week, but I think that I will be cutting down posts to once a week. I’ve started on an exercise regime that’s eating up my mornings while hopefully eating up the fat on my body so time has to be taken from something right?
But don’t worry, my loves. I will still update and share with you the new flavours of our journey every beginning of the week as long as I can 😉
And the update for the week is that the boy is starting to grab things!
He grabs mummy’s nose, clutches my tank top straps for dear life even though he’s safe and secure in my arms, he holds papa’s collar when they go on walks, and he’s definitely a lot more interested in the dangly things that hover above his bouncer and crib.
With all the improvements he’s made in his cognitive and motor skills, this one is the most exciting because it means that he can really INTERACT with us now!
Save for the fact that when his nails aren’t trimmed, he’s basically clawing at my skin and causing small abrasions, I am absolutely revelling whenever he reaches his little hands out for me and tries to grab or clutch at my fingers or things on my table or even my hair.
There is truly no feeling in the world better than when you are looking at your child and he is reaching for you with yet unsteady fingers purely because he wants you to pick him up.
But that being said, it poses a number of issues – WHAT (or who) he is reaching for, and whether whatever it is he’s reaching for is CLEAN or not. One of the biggest things for parents to worry about is whether your baby is hanging around unsavoury people or unsavoury things isn’t it.
Someone was saying the other day that our bub looked like he had started to 认人（ren4 ren2）or to recognize people. And that meant that he could decide whether or not he like somebody when he sees them.
And while I know that he needs to learn what characters to trust on his own, sometimes I sincerely and truly wish that he would cry when somebody I don’t particularly have good feelings for asks whether they can pick him up.
I normally just let them carry the baby while I’m silently scrunching up my face and cringing inside but how I wish I could just say “No, you can’t.” or “I’m fine.” or just come up with any other reason to prevent this person with whatever perceived fault they may have from coming into contact with my baby.
My precious innocent baby who should not be exposed to such horrible creatures such as this person whom I don’t like.
I could just refuse but that would make me seem like such a bitch so I just shoot daggers with my eyes and frown while VERY SLOWLY and VERY RELUCTANTLY holding out my baby out to that person to carry.
Think Slow motion.
Last weekend an Aunt who was visiting from the states was in Singapore and she had (not so) secretly told my husband that she was mad at me because at my bub’s baptism, when my MIL reached out to carry my son, I had pulled away and said no that’s okay, before going to mingle with the other friends that were there.
She was UPSET, that I had NOT ALLOWED my MIL to carry my son.
First things first, is that I need to give so much credit to my husband who rallied to my aid and said that I must’ve had good reason for doing so. Said Aunty replied “But she’s your mother.” And to that, this amazing man said “But she’s my wife.”
My son is MY SON. Not yours and not my MIL’s. And as his parent, do I not get to choose where he goes and who I want holding him. That might make me sound like an over-controlling bitch if I ever saw one but since his baptism (if you guys remember) happened the week right after ‘The Terrible Incident’, I sure as hell wasn’t about to let somebody who had just called me a terrible mother hold my child.
I’m pretty sure I should be getting an award for not barring them from coming to the baptism altogether.
Thirdly, as his parents, I’m pretty sure that we have to tote the baby around and receive congratulations WITH baby in tow, so how could I relinquish the person of the day when it was our prerogative to show him off in our arms?
Moving on though, again I’m reminded that I need to make sure I don’t succumb to being that overbearing mother who controls everything and with that, I quickly got over my intense hatred and whittled it down to a mere dislike. And by the next week when we were out as a family looking for tiles for our new kitchen, my MIL was happily reinstated with rights to carrying the grandchild.
While I’m not trying to say that the family is “unsavoury”, there are times when I feel that the bub shouldn’t be exposed certain perspectives that they may have.
On his part though, I hope that the bub isn’t affected by the politics and emotional undertones that the adults are facing and grows up just knowing that all these people around him love him very much that they would fight with each other over him.
But more importantly, while mummy has difficulty allowing certain people touch and carry him, the bub himself needs to develop a discerning eye on the would-be carriers of babies.
I was talking to a friend the other day about how her daughter now goes willingly into the arms of strangers as long as they hold their hands out in the hopes that someone else would carry her.
Heaven forbid that the we and (more likely) the grandparents spoil him to the point that he demands to be carried all the time but I know that for us there will definitely come a stage when we will have to admit the bub gets too heavy and mummy and papa have declared that he needs to walk on his own feet.
And the reality is that he’s probably going to target everyone else who is willing to carry him too but for goodness sake, he needs to be wary of strangers too. Especially the ones who don’t practice good hygiene.
Can you imagine these people dig their noses or have all sorts of dirt and things on their hands and they TOUCH YOUR CHILD’S FACE.
But at the same time, as parents we need to learn how to make sure our son doesn’t become clingy either. To boldly explore and go out into the world and learn about things on his own. To carry himself and make choices of his own volition and learn from the consequences.
Such a fine line when it comes to letting go…
How much of what things should we introduce and how much should we let our children find out on their own?
And if I’m worrying about all of this now, good luck to me when we have to start introducing solid foods to the bub in a month’s time. Baby-led weaning and purees and deciding an entire menu for the bub to ingest.
My head is seriously about to explode.
At the end of the day, I suppose I just have to take things in my stride. I’ve realised that I’m way too polite to outrightly refuse someone when they ask to carry my child and I’ve only just worked up enough courage to tell people off when they come over to coo and squeal at my child to please not touch his face and pinch his cheeks.
And I suppose it will somehow have an effect later on on how my child reacts to them in his own way as he gets older too. I will just have to play it cool when people approach us and just watch for any signs that my bub’s immune system isn’t able to take the deluge of germs from everybody. And of course the people who are attached to the germs too…
Then we’ll start talking about restrictions…
After all, germs are everywhere and deciding how to manage his own health and similarly determining a person’s character and judging whether or not that person is likable or not when he comes into contact with said
germ person, is all part and parcel of life.
And something that my child will have to learn eventually whether or not I restrict his exposure to certain types of people.
Dodging the fingers,