Feeling: selective and apprehensive..
I’m going to be quite candid in today’s post about some of the recent events that have been happening in our lives.
I personally don’t quite like the idea of airing dirty laundry in public. But in this case, it seems that it’s more than affecting my daily life and causing me to seriously reconsider some decisions about how I raise my child and the people who I let and will let him interact with.
We all know that I had a terrible incident on Mother’s Day this year so without too much disclosure, it seems that a 2nd terrible incident has happened.
In as few words as I can manage, it basically involved a lot of very harsh words and nonchalantly sweeping sweeping statements about my character and everything else. To which I must PROUDLY admit that I reacted calmly and thoughtfully and was the firs to apologize in the name of resolving the problem.
But that wasn’t really the issue here.
I’ve grown up in a family where fights every Sunday morning before going to church about who was going to use the bathroom, and huge I HATE YOU arguments were pretty much common place.
Fighting isn’t really that big a deal to me, it’s part and parcel of life. As was making up and moving on from the argument.
Hell, NOT having an argument would be weird!
I’ve always been of the belief that anger and fighting brings the real person in you out – you can only really get to know what a person is like by the way that they argue with you and how they resolve conflict. When a person is angry, that kind of honesty just helps you to get a real insight on the real people that are around you.
Well, the whole issue in this new terrible incident was the resolution of the whole issue.
Long story short, we sent some flowers over to apologise (though it was no fault of ours to begin with) and the next visit we had with the offending party was an extremely awkward and painful one where we pretended that there wasn’t this white elephant of an unresolved argument hanging over our heads.
And for me, that was a really BIG issue.
I mean, it’s one thing to avoid conflict and avoid an argument, but when you’re already in it? You can’t just pretend that nothing happened… Besides, if you don’t trash out your misgivings and unhappiness, how can you solve it?
It’s always much better out than in and you don’t want to be holing up all that angst and bad feelings until you explode one day…
Besides having regular arguments with my family and knowing that coming out of an argument means we improve and understand each other better, I also believe that arguments need to be resolved asap.
It’s just a sign of dedication and commitment to the person that you’re fighting with that you put in the effort to salvage whatever relationship you have, if you treasure that person enough.
Suffice to say that how this particular argument ended, didn’t give me much confidence that this “relationship” was worth saving at all.
Someone said to me about the whole issue was that if we don’t address what was said and find out where the emotions are when the words were uttered, silence basically is going to mean acceptance and consent.
And I definitely don’t want those words to be my legacy.
Unfortunately, it seems like I’m the only party who believes in resolution here. Everybody else seems content that the screaming has stopped.
How can I get myself more involved if no one else can be bothered?
We happened to go for a facial over the weekend too, with an old Aunty who’s been running her business for forever and since my brother is back from London, we asked him to come along or rather babysit while we went to squeeze our face into oblivion and have a little uncle-brother bonding in the meanwhile.
side note: my bub is going to call him jiu jiu （舅舅）! *secret love for Chinese culture*
I might have made the faux pas of trying to over control how he handled the baby but in doing so, I was very pleasantly and happily surprised that my brother is very aware and conscientious of how he acts around the bub.
In comparison, some other people, particularly people from a different generation, who you would think would be this thoughtful when it comes to babies, just simply aren’t. They are too set in their own ways to want to compromise on what they believe in just because they think they should be accorded unquestioning obedience.
And what I found myself thinking about was that I really, Really, REALLY wanted to control the people who the bub is exposed to.
I mean, I don’t want mean-spirited people and people who don’t have his best interests at heart and of course people who do not respect the parents’ wishes when it comes to bringing up their children.
Honestly, if a person is going to tell me that I should be doing things this way and that way, then go and diss my character and slander my actions then that person must be mad thinking that I’m going to let them anywhere near my kid with that kind of toxic attitude.
But of course after having the weekend and then some to cool down about the whole thing, I’m reminded of the important things.
Namely, before we left the bub alone with my brother, we were talking about the 2nd terrible incident. And he said something that really stuck with me: that no matter what, we’re family and we need to let bygones be bygones precisely because we love each other.
And that means trying your best to do things the way your loved ones want you to do things, even if you don’t agree
So as much as I am absolutely dreading having to have anything to do with the terrible person, I have to admit that I know that she loves the baby a lot and I can’t deprive him and her of each other forever.
Perhaps I can still restrict what happens when they’re together, but at the very least, I should give them the opportunity to form an opinion of each other on their own and not say anything too much about the forced visits and even more forced smiles.
I can only pray for God’s peace and understanding to give me the strength not to pull faces when that situation arises… Lord knows I’m going to need every ounce of restraint to hold my tongue…
At least that sentiment of willingness is out in the open and that’s a good first step to mending the broken feelings eh?
Gritting my teeth,